Reunion Round-up
My high school buds, twenty years after the fact!

Steve
Then: Pleasant, stoned expression
Now: Still looks baked
Amy
Then: Hated Cami because she stole Patrick away
Now: Didn't invite Cami to the reunion; still in love with Patrick
Patrick
Then: Sold me film canister full of speed senior year
Now: Swears that it was really Dexatrim; still not in love with Amy
Bob
Then: Played guitar, studied
Now: Became a Muslim; sense of humor submerged below surface of placid wisdom
Sherry
Then: Charmingly bubbleheaded
Now: Changed name to Sophie
Ned
Then: Goofy, gangly, bad skin
Now: Sweet, paunchy, good skin
Reid
Then: Had some sort of preppy yachtmaster/private jet aesthetic
Now: Out of the closet
Cherice
Then: Quoted Earth Wind & Fire in the yearbook
Now: Works for insurance company, has a cute husband
Marla
Then: Rumored to have had mature but inappropriate relationship with geology teacher
Now: Did not talk to me about group sex in suggestive manner
Alan
Then: Duuuuude!
Now: Duuuuude!
Mark
Then: Unnervingly matter-of-fact
Now: Exactly the same; divorced from "psycho bitch from hell"; John Denver glasses
Jan
Then: Nice, but never really had much to say to her
Now: Looks the same, still nothing to say to her
Tamara
Then: My best friend; funny; loyal despite (or perhaps because of) my flagrantly immature behavior
Now: Is herself, only moreso, which is just fine with me
John
Then: Charmingly befuddled
Now: Made Ned apologize to Mark for calling him "Lupus" in ninth grade
Me
Then: Either happy or suicidal; read pretentious books without understanding them
Now: Surprisingly happy, never suicidal; reading confined to take-out menus and TV schedule