On January 7, 2003 by Eden M. Kennedy

The whole updated-retro car thing works for me. I approve of the new Bugs, that little bud vase is just adorable.* That aside, now that we’ve finally buried the whole cigars-and-martinis thing, I look forward to seeing what Detroit will remind us of next. Fins? Push-button starters? PT Cruiser: yes, though I wouldn’t want to own one; the new T-bird’s not bad; and I dig the S-type Jag . . .

*My first car was a ’73 Volkswagen Bug, I made it back and forth across the country six times in that tin can without getting killed. The heat worked really well, and after awhile you get kind of nostalgiac about The Smell.

BUT WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?? Oh, sure, they call it a GTO. Speaking as the wife of a man who gave his eighteen-month-old son a scale model of a wicked sexy black ’67 “Goat” for Christmas (Jackson pulled off the wheels and the doors, and then he threw it into the bathtub) (which means he has about as much respect for GTOs as the rash of re√ęducated Yugo designers they hired to relaunch the line), the 2004 GTO looks like a Pacer crossed with a Gremlin, and that’s an insult to Pacers and Gremlins everywhere. I mean, whatever you want to say about Vin Diesel, he knows enough not to flex his ass inside a piece of crap like that.

To recap:

I would rather drive THIS

or THIS

than yet another characterless, committee-designed horror from the people who brought you THIS.

(click that right NOW)

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