Monthly Archives: February 2004

Last night I was at the stove stirring risotto (all Jeff Smith risotto recipes require that you not merely boil your arborio rice but stand at the stove stirring thoughtfully — and, in my own special twist on the classics, … Continue reading →

Alright, no one cares, but two big thumbs up for Courtney Love’s new album. I guess it’s actually a CD, forgive me, I have Mad Cow Disease, plus I still own at least five linear feet of vinyl recordings meant … Continue reading →

I love how when a kid poops his pants we say he had an “accident.” Like, the responding officer reported that the driver of the red Ford Explorer thought it was just going to be a fart. Thank you, that … Continue reading →

Letters to the Editor: “I fail to see the harm to anyone.” Photos by Derek Powazek: Justly Married link via superfudgechunk

Here’s half a picture of a woman on her honeymoon in Mexico. She’d been drinking an awful lot of good tequila and sleeping like she’d been hit in the head with a brick, despite the toe, broken on a concrete … Continue reading →

My grandfather liked burnt toast for breakfast. Basically, a shingle of charcoal. If he went to a restaurant and the waitress brought him anything less than a serving of smoking brimstone, he would crumble it up in his fist, scream, … Continue reading →

Where did that $100 of birthday money go? 1. Pin — $17 (now that I’m 40, I can’t leave the house without a pin on my cloak, a silk scarf over my bouffant, and making sure I radiate Chanel No. … Continue reading →

This morning’s scenario Me: Sorry about being so grumpy last night. Jack: Because your life is so hard. Me: It had nothing to do with my life not being hard, it had to do with me being tired, and you … Continue reading →

Among the most excruciating of American Idol’s excruciating moments are those in which parents greet their booted babies, offering reassurance that the judges were dead wrong. “You’re amazing, they don’t know what they’re talking about,” the parents coo. In an … Continue reading →

Two Things That Happened Recently In Bed 1. Jackson woke me up at about 1:00 a.m. the other morning and said, “Can you help me?” He was sleeping in only a t-shirt, and he’d kicked off the covers and his … Continue reading →