Monthly Archives: November 2004

This one killed me dead Look, it’s not that I hate Natalie Portman . . .

Ah, it’s that time of year again, when fresh-faced, barely-trained, minimum-wage retail employees go head to head with customers who hate Christmas shopping, don’t put anything back where it belongs, and want everything to be on sale. Speaking as a … Continue reading →

Several years back I used to work around the corner from the Native American Community Center in New York. I had an aquaintance who worked there (he was the tallest gay Apache Indian I’ve ever met), and he invited me … Continue reading →

I had a teacher once who advised us to take a poem of someone else’s that we liked and copy it out longhand, word for word. He said it would slow down our reading and make us think about the … Continue reading →

One day, when I was about six years old, my dad dropped me off at kindergarten, and I wept in my little plastic seat all morning. For no other reason than because my mother always took me to school, so … Continue reading →

This morning as I dug through my underwear drawer a shallow thought-sperm penetrated a fertile idea-egg floating (oh so very lonely) in my brain, and I began to wonder how we decided to call these things “thongs.” It used to … Continue reading →

My Exciting New Recipe for Accidental Feta Cheese Ingredients: One pumpkin-shaped drink container from the zoo 8 oz. 2% milk Pour milk into pumpkin container. Give to child. Let child carry pumpkin container into car to drink on the way … Continue reading →

I had lunch today with a friend. I had lunch with this friend last year. Let me put it another way: it’s been a year since I had a childless lunch with not just this friend, but any friend. It’s … Continue reading →

I wish somebody would have shown me THIS before I started doing that hair thing. Go ahead, laugh! Your mockery only makes me stronger.

How the world sees us: for which this thought might be a good caption: canuckobserver – 12:47 PM ET November 4, 2004 (#8409 of 8413) “Since most of the Blue states are on or near the Canadian border, we would … Continue reading →