I had this dream where I'm buying beer at a mom-and-pop corner store and as I'm putting my change in my wallet this old, queeny guy pulls a pair of big, hairy, rubber balls out of his pocket and plonks them down in front of the cashier.
The balls slowly ride down the little conveyor belt until they're in front of me, and I'm all, Wow! Those are some amazing balls!
I pick them up and they're heavy, and they're this realistic brownish-pink with long black hairs all over them, and I'm so obviously happy about them that the queeny guy shrugs and tells me I can keep them.
I can't wait to show them to Jack, and I walk home so happy with a pair of big, hairy balls in my pants pocket.
I run up our stairs and start telling Jack how I got them, but halfway through my story he turns half away to watch a Raiders game on TV.
I'm so furious at him for not listening that I stomp off to my office and slam the door.
Then I hear Jack leave the apartment, and a few minutes later I get an e-mail from him.
He knows that my computer is the only way to get through to me.
This dream reveals far too much about me, never mind the fact that it isn't nearly sexy enough for Internet consumption. Apparently I really wish I had a pair of balls? And can only get close to people through e-mail. Hoo-fucking-ray and welcome to the twenty-first century.
Also, I bought the Fluevogs. Not the other ones. These.
The balls slowly ride down the little conveyor belt until they're in front of me, and I'm all, Wow! Those are some amazing balls!
I pick them up and they're heavy, and they're this realistic brownish-pink with long black hairs all over them, and I'm so obviously happy about them that the queeny guy shrugs and tells me I can keep them.
I can't wait to show them to Jack, and I walk home so happy with a pair of big, hairy balls in my pants pocket.
I run up our stairs and start telling Jack how I got them, but halfway through my story he turns half away to watch a Raiders game on TV.
I'm so furious at him for not listening that I stomp off to my office and slam the door.
Then I hear Jack leave the apartment, and a few minutes later I get an e-mail from him.
He knows that my computer is the only way to get through to me.
This dream reveals far too much about me, never mind the fact that it isn't nearly sexy enough for Internet consumption. Apparently I really wish I had a pair of balls? And can only get close to people through e-mail. Hoo-fucking-ray and welcome to the twenty-first century.
Also, I bought the Fluevogs. Not the other ones. These.
59 Comments:
Um ick.
But the shoes are incredible! :)
It is comforting to know that there are others out there hiding behind email. I find that I hide behind my email and I will choose email over a phone anyday. Kinda sad. When my programmer husband and I were dating, I would joke about if we ever got married, we would just email each other instead of talking...me upstairs and him downstairs. It is almost like that now. He works in his office downstairs and I use the laptop upstairs. We haven't resorted to email yet...I still just yell down the steps :)
I hope I don't start dreaming about big hairy balls...I will be scared for sure!
Those shoes...I can't decide if I totally hate them or completely love them. I think I completely love them...I think I will go back and look at them again. Thanks Mrs. Kennedy and enjoy your shoes.
They're not the hairy balls in your dream, but if it's balls you want just stop over at http://www.trucknutz.com/ and pick yourself up a pair! they come in a variety of colors. I got the flesh colored ones....minus the hair!
Holy cow, instant desire! Those are some hot shoes, mama!
Also glad to know that I am not the only one with easily deciphered dreams. Take comfort that at least on the internet you can buy the shoes of your dreams.
Ahhhh, Zappos. I loooooooove Zappos. I've never heard of this Fluevog guy before reading your posts, though. Why do you love him?
The shoes are freakishly impressive.
The dream is just icky.
where in the hell would i wear a shoe like that? no really. i want to know so i can start going places like that. think how interesting my life could be with shoes like that. just think!
Are dreams ever that obvious? Maybe it means you wish you could you could get free stuff when grocery shopping...I mean, that would be cool too.
Oh, well. I tried.
Goddamn internet, you have made us a society that bowls alone. Well, we would bowl alone--if we ever went outside.
There is no rational explanation for the Fluevogs. And that is why I bought them. To see if they'll take me to irrational places! We'll see if I actually keep them.
You rock, Mrs. Kennedy.
Shoes like these need no rational explanation.
also that you don't think jack would listen to you during a raiders game even if you had balls.
i think the first place you should wear the shoes is on your next beer run to the nearest mom-and-pop store. then you can see if they are in fact magical enough to make all your dreams come true.
You should keep the Fluevogs. They'll only add to your hotness.
I get the balls thing and the e-mail thing, but the Raiders? He was watching the Raiders?!
Those Fluevogs are wacky. Then again, when are his creations ever NOT wacky. I wonder what they look like on. All this Fluevog talk is making me want to hit the Queen St. store back home in Toronto. Evil!
That dream is hilarious. Hee. I'm still smiling 'bout it.
Those shoes ROCK. Are the Zappos prices a lot better than Fluevog's site direct? I've never shopped through them. I like these much better than the other ones. I have the black "Angie" on my wish-list right now.
I can't even comment about the balls. It would have been one thing if it were Jack giving you his balls, or if they came from some virile young hunk, but an old queeny guy? Veddddy interesting.
Life is so much more certain for a woman when she grows a pair. Seriously. My husband even says he married me because I have balls. I'm not abusive or anything, it's more like we are on the same level. When we have to take on a challenge together, look out.
I loved your dream. I think it means you need balls, and when you grow them, maybe Jack won't be listening. Or maybe it means you need to stop eating peanut butter cups before bed.
;)
Karen
OMG those Fluevogs are the SHIT! Lucky bugger!
gah!
those shoes will look GREAT.
you know,
with the balls.
oh god i need those shoes too! very bad as I have no money and just spent $150 on a pair of Gwen Stefani LAMB pants...
Oh god, those shoes are so wonderful. I might have to chew the toe off them if I see them.
The shoes are pretty but as soon as I saw them I thought the same as a previous commenter, "Where would I go with them?" Plus, let's not forget that in order to wear these shoes I'd have to buy an entirely new wardrobe. Wait, I'm saying that as if it's a problem ... Hmm.
As for the dream, "long black hairs" .... Ew.
Oh my gawd, those are the ugliest pair of shoes I ever saw and to think somebody actually paid money for them. I wouldn't even wear them if they were free and I was shoeless Joe Jackson. Hope you enjoy them though. I think you just might be able to tap-dance in those.
Those shoes rock!
I want some!
The shoes, they rock. And what woman doesn't want balls? It's like guys and boobs. WE want their balls, they want our breasts. And e-mail and cell phones are the only way to get in touch with anyone anymore. Don't let it get to you.
My husband and I e-mail from one room to the next.
I have dreams like that when I am either pregnant or on steriods. Is there anything else you want share??
And the shoes, I don't get them, but they don't come in my transvestite size of 12 wide anyways, so I am not even going to try.
Mrs Kennedy, if we lived closer I would listen and care about your hairy balls...and you wouldn't have to email me about it.
It's me, MelissaS
I am sort of fascinated that the balls were heavy. I don't know what that says about ME. ??
Yeah, but my husband is so sexy in e-mail, the way he puts words together. Also, the shoes? Kind of a dominatrix thing with the brass studs and all--love it. Have you asked yourself WHY (really, why?) you want balls?
For an entire week I've been wearing the Fluevogs my husband wore at our wedding. This seems related somehow.
Oh man, those 'vogs are much cooler than the others. Good for you. I'm buying a carpet steamer today. Not as much fun.
Hey, at least you tried to show Jack your balls. Maybe he felt threatened by thier queeny splendor.
Love the shoes. AND the balls.
What kind of beer was it?
Yay! The strappies! Happy wearing.
Those are HAWT!
(The shoes, I mean, not the balls.)
I would kill to get rid of the visual on the heavy hairy balls. I think I would have been OK with just the balls, but the hair sent me to the dark side.
You have to be really, really cool to wear those shoes. I'm thinking you can pull it off.
Can I borrow your balls sometime? I always wish I had some when I need to merge in traffic. I'm a very timid merger.
I had a dream recently that I was an Asian man... who was a spy. What does this say about me?
Auuugh! They don't have my size!
I think you have bigger balls than most men I know...
Fluevogs: One big hip reason I'm proud to be Canadian.
Loving the shoes.
The balls thing is hilarious. Perhaps instead of wanting some of your own, you want to rip some off.
I loved the skirt with the pointy pink shoes. I am dying to see the ensemble you've got slated for those SICK shoes!
I could be annoyingly feminist about the ball thing, and point out that women don't need balls for any reason. We kick quite enough ass without them. But I won't.
Maybe your dreaming brain just enjoys messing with you.
Maybe the Queeny guy meant to give you a "pair of shawls" and you thought he said "balls" which makes the dream make no sense whatsoever.
See, I'd buy that a Queeny guy would give you a pair of shawls if he thought you looked cold, which then you could have shared with your man.
Shawls. That's far more telling than balls.
Your dream reads sort of like a "hairy balls and liquor" dirty joke we used to tell on the playground when I was about in fourth grade. Or was it rubber balls and liquor? So long ago, but your dream reminded me of that silly joke.
Well, maybe the dream is exactly the opposite of obvious. I mean, it seems so obvious that maybe every image and event in your dream was really an interpretive thing... like the hairy balls mean you need more Omega-3 in your diet and the email situation means that you should stay away from anything silver. LMAO! Or whatever... crazy dreams. Can we ever really know what the hell they mean?
I dreamed I threw a huge, out of control, Sixteen Candles-type party at Cher's house and then went upstairs and got it on with Pauly Shore... all the while dreading getting in trouble with my parents for trashing Cher's house. Uff... NONE of that makes any sense whatsoever.
I think I just died a little over those shoes. They are amazing.
Yes you did!
Automatic!
~aloha,
lisa
in maui
Ah...I had a lovely pair of Fluevogs in Junior high...I wonder whatever became of them?
I, also, have dreams that seem like my subconscious copied them out of a freshman psych textbook.
It was really very sweet of the Queeny Guy to let you keep his balls.
Damn, them some ugly shoes, girl!
How have I lived 23 years and not known that shoes like this existed?! Oh wait, thats right, I live in Michigan. Mrs K, next month when my checking account is overdrawn but my feet are having orgasms, I'm holding you partially responsible.
Oooooo. Shoe Love! They're so pretty!
I am forever having weird dreams that are very revealing, such as the one you described. Also? Love the shoes!
The first thing I thought when I saw the shoes was, "They look like they have teeth." Sharp, pointy teeth that are going to chew your feet off. But then, maybe that's the point. You'll probably look like a bad MF who actually does have balls if you can wear those.
truck nutz. pathetic.
Crap. I think I'm going to have to save some money for months and buy some Fluevogs. I'd forgotten about them, but now that you've reminded me and I've scanned THE ENTIRE COLLECTION I'm afraid I can't live without the Green Jolene Boot
Those shoes are wacky! But awesome at the same time.
Darn shoes. I like these ones
I love those shoes! Buy a pair for me too, 'kay?
Move over, Martin Luther King.
Normally I lurk...but Oooooohhhh
those Shoes, those exquistite SHOES!
Those are GREAT! Are they really that comfortable and worth the cash?
Those are cool.
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