And Another Thing . . .
For anyone else who watched Melissa on the "Cocktail Playdates" segment of the Today Show this morning, what did you think? The graphics were killing me -- giant wine bottles! "Could you awkwardly help your daughter off the slide while you're holding that giant glass of chardonnay, so that it sort of looks like you have to choose between dropping her or spilling your wine?" Awesome.
Melissa, though, I thought she looked grand, with the Superhero necklace and the (rawr) knee-high boots, and I was so proud of her, the way she jumped right in and started the discussion. Didn't get defensive, made her points clearly and sensibly, repeating the argument she's made so well before.
The woman arguing against social drinking in front of your kids, the doctor with the great suit, when they put that text underneath her that said her name and "mother of four," that capped it for me. Hmm, let's see: she's a doctor, she looks like a million bucks, and she has four kids? SHE HAS HELP. She can bloody well go out to dinner and drinks whenever she wants and leave the kids at home. Melissa is defending the parents who can't do that, who are staying home with small children because their partner is out doing the heavy lifting to pay the bills, so the stay-at-home other half has few-to-zero opportunities to hang out with friends and have a glass of wine.
I was bummed that they cut the segment before Melissa got to make the other good point that she has, that inviting friends over with their kids and having a drink can be a way to model a positive relationship with alcohol for your kids, show them that you can have a drink and stop, that mommy and daddy don't have to pass out to have a good time.
I was also bummed that they didn't mention that Melissa invented the Momtini.
But whatever. I hate morning television and my hand to God I won't watch it again until someone else I know is on.
Melissa, though, I thought she looked grand, with the Superhero necklace and the (rawr) knee-high boots, and I was so proud of her, the way she jumped right in and started the discussion. Didn't get defensive, made her points clearly and sensibly, repeating the argument she's made so well before.
The woman arguing against social drinking in front of your kids, the doctor with the great suit, when they put that text underneath her that said her name and "mother of four," that capped it for me. Hmm, let's see: she's a doctor, she looks like a million bucks, and she has four kids? SHE HAS HELP. She can bloody well go out to dinner and drinks whenever she wants and leave the kids at home. Melissa is defending the parents who can't do that, who are staying home with small children because their partner is out doing the heavy lifting to pay the bills, so the stay-at-home other half has few-to-zero opportunities to hang out with friends and have a glass of wine.
I was bummed that they cut the segment before Melissa got to make the other good point that she has, that inviting friends over with their kids and having a drink can be a way to model a positive relationship with alcohol for your kids, show them that you can have a drink and stop, that mommy and daddy don't have to pass out to have a good time.
I was also bummed that they didn't mention that Melissa invented the Momtini.
But whatever. I hate morning television and my hand to God I won't watch it again until someone else I know is on.
35 Comments:
Ugh - watched it and already ranted more than once. The boots and necklace, however, were AWESOME! Melissa should be proud - she did a great job with a cruddy situation.
And WTF is the deal with the Mommy Wars v.3.1? Is this the best thing we can do now, is berate mothers who consume an alcoholic beverage or two in a safe, social setting? Holy cow.
Good point. I'm sure she does have help, and it is a whole different ballgame when you have help.
I watched it this morning and I thought they could have done without the akward visual. I thought Melissa did a great job. She didn't mention Lindsay Lohan once!
However the segment was too short. I too wish she could have made those points. Plus it felt awfully stuffy. The woman beside her could have at any moment turned into my grandmother and she didn't really counter any of Melissa's points.
Long time lurker, first time commenter.
I have been thinking about the segment, feeling a bit annoyed with the whole "debate" -- I agree with Kaleigh. Is this the best we can come up with? It just seems like a no-win argument: you either have a problem with mommy-drinking or you don't.
As for me, I liked the super-sized wine glasses. But I have four boys, so I could never have glass so close to the swingset. I stay on the deck.
I felt the same way. I thought Melissa kept her cool a lot better than I would've.
I thought she was brilliant and I really want to have a cocktail playdate now, for the hell of it, in her honor.
It was way too short.
Zoot, I'm with you: I'm scheduling my cocktail playdate ASAP. Furthermore, I'm serving momtinis (with fresh out of the package binkies).
Also, I want a superhero necklace.
i'm about to have my first child in august and i keep thinking, if i can't drink during playdates, then what do i have to look forward to?
Ha ha, oh, but if you're breastfeeding that margarita you're craving is still a ways off.
Well said. I was irritated that she wasn't able to comment at the end of the story. I am all for social drinking when my kids are being social as well. With triplets, when will I have fun if not for a cocktail playdate?
Melissa looked fabulous and I was very proud of her. It really pissed me off that their expert kept saying that we don't need to have alcohol to have fun. Well, duh. But sometimes it won't kill you TO have alcohol while you are having fun.
Seriously, if we can't have alcohol at a playdate (ONE DRINK, SHE THINKS ONE DRINK IS A PROBLEM?), then are they going to start saying we can't drink in our own homes if we have children?
My God.
Yes, yes, if the Democrats hadn't won control of the House and Senate, they would be trying to say that. Just like "they" say that all women should behave at all moments in time like they could be pregnant, even if they are not trying to conceive.
Goddammit, where did I put my cigarette so I could type this?
/end rant.
Melissa was fabulous.
That was totally the other point I wanted to see made. But I think they set her up, what with the "ironic"-voiced lead-ins, the giant martini graphics, and Ms. Suit-Who's-
Obviously-Been-On-Camera-Before.
Still, Melissa was fabulous. And those boots!
What, you don't believe that everything adults do should be modified so that children can both understand and participate in the activity? You are no longer allowed to participate in my Infantalize America! project. We're raising money to elect a Teletubby president. (Not the purple, gay one, of course.)
I thought the whole clip was ridiculously pieced together. Women pouring half a bottle into a glass to teeter around thier children, the psychologist.....it all smacked of set up to me. By the way, is this really such a new phenomenon? Who hasn't had friends over at dark thiry and opened a bottle while the young uns run around and the hubs pick up pizza? Not to sound like a Beastie Boy or anything, but total sabatoge, people.
Oh, all you modern mommies think it is ok to get sauced and try to watch the kids. Self-indulgent, that's what you are.
Joking!! Jeez.
Melissa was wonderful. I keep liking the superhero necklaces more and more. They are like a secret Masonic blogger symbol or something.
Afuckingmen!
Melissa rocked. Cool, composed, strong.
I wanted to hear Melissa get her last word. Why the doc? Why not the woman who is the one with the goddamn experience?
WTFever. I will not watch morning television again unless someone I know is on EITHER.
BTW, I have a neighborhood playdate/happyhour on a WEEKLY basis in my neighborhood. It is a great way to bond to neighbors, the kids love it, our dogs love it, and many of us have become closer, and had a hell of a lot of fun, because of it.
I was already pissed as soon as Meredth started the intro. "Whether you call it booze and babies..." Give me a break. I am a recovering alcoholic, an avid non-drinker, and even I thought that piece was slanted. I felt sorry for Melissa, she was so attacked, but that girl handled it with STYLE! And how cute is her haircut?
Delurking - howdy!
Wait, your hand to who? (Or should that be whom?) :)
Puritanical claptrap. I would have been laughing at them and going "Come oooon! For reals?" Of course, that is why I am not on the Today show. Melissa handled it all so well - I salute her and her gorgeous boots.
Melissa Summers is my new favorite champion of all things that make sense in the world. Obviously closely followed by you, Mrs. Not Mrs. Kennedy Any More. But really. What jackassery!
She looked Capitol-F Fantastic, with her beautiful hair and her kick-arse boots... all I want to be is her when I grow up. (As long as the common sense comes with the package.) You can bet that whenever it is, there will be 'A' drink at playdate.
Well, duh! Of course a drink at a playdate means I'm impaired, too impaired to make competant judgements in case of emergency! No one mentions how much parenting is done under normal, everday impairment, like exhaustion and stomach flu.
And the visuals! Could we please, please, please see more wine being pour, pour, poured? And of course I never set my wineglass down to deal with my children, never ever. Must hold wineglass at all times! Wine, wine, wine! That, combined with MV's intro, was a little too much for me.
And who *are* all these iVillage iDiots, anyway?
I have a feeling if I'd gotten a chance to say the 'Healthy moderation with alcohol is a great lesson to teach your children by modeling it yourself.' It would have been turned around to, "So, you're saying you drink to teach your children a lesson?"
PS: One of the morons in that segment had her thong sticking out of the top of her too low rise pants. I wonder if that's the type of thing she's modelling for her teenaged daughters? Hmmm.
PPS: I was not wearing pants or a thong which stuck out.
That babysitter question was so abhorent...Melissa handled herself extremely well. I'm sure I would have blurted out, "WTF?"
And that 57% iVillage quote is killing me. I blogged this for Strollerderby just to see how another demographic felt about it...needless to say, responses skewed in a different direction.
http://babble.com/CS/blogs/strollerderby/archive/2007/01/26/cocktail-playdates-what-s-the-big-deal.aspx
Melissa rocked as did the necklace & boots. And yes, to jump on the judging wagon, the Dr. has help at home.
My dad owned a liquor store. I learned to tend bar at 10 (Will that be one jigger or two? asked the freckle-faced girl). In college I was the only one who could pop the cork on a bottle of Andre champagne and not have it put your eye out. If that's not responsible parenting, I don't know what is!
Formerly Mrs. K - You & Jackson can hop on down to Ventura for a Momtini anytime. We'll have SueBob bring Goldie and drink dogtinis!
The point about the babysitter was well-made and I think Melissa missed an opportunity there. She DID say that a babysitter is "on the job" and therefore, is expected not to drink. And I totally agree with that.
What she didn't say, and this would have been a good argument to refute the doctor's assertion that it's basically never okay to drink even one drink when you're caring for children, was that it's different for moms because moms are on the job 24/7 for years on end. If you shouldn't drink around your kids, then you never drink. Maybe prissy Ms. Doctor thinks no one who has kids should ever drink at all, but that's not very realistic and I think it would've been excellent if Melissa had made that point.
Overall, though, I thought Melissa was great and I loved the point about judging other moms. It seems like moms are held to the most outrageously unrealistic standards and we need to get off that. The doctor kept bring up the point that today's world is so hectic and busy and stressful, but never conceded that is mostly a state of mind brought on by this ideal of SUPERMOM who works, takes care of the house and 3 kids and is perpetually in some sort of utterly fulfilled bliss-state. Well, that's bullshit and the sooner we get over thinking that woman exists or even SHOULD exist, the sooner we'll all have less stress.
i think: a) europeans everywhere are laughing their asses off at this uptight rubbish (assuming that they're paying attention to this hard-hitting american "journalism"); b) this is just another way to keep the embers of dissonance burning among the ranks of mothers everywhere. thanks, we needed that. i'm really having a hard time understanding why this is even an issue. you drank socially before you had kids, and you continue to drink socially now that you're a parent - what's the mystery? someone really should've told me that i was expected to become deedee doodle once i had a baby, because i'm not okay with that.
also? that doctor was totally patronizing, with her talk of "constructive" forms of motherly communion. which implies that "tots-n-tonic" (cute, by the way. verrrry cute.) is DEconstructive. that's passing judgment, lady.
I live in the heart of Mormonville so "social drinking" means having a caffinated beverage.
Personally though, I've had a glass of wine or two in front of my son (not that he's noticed, he's 1 1/2) and my husband has certainly drank beer in his presence. I wholeheartedly agree with the point you mentioned that unfortunately Melissa didn't get to was that it is a good opportunity to show responsible alcohol consumption.
arrgghh - watching the clip stressed me out.
it was far to focussed on the mommy group drinks: what about the parents sitting down in the evening and having a glass of wine with dinner? having a backyard bbq with a beer?
it is really too bad that they didn't get to the positive role modelling bit. that would have been a good way to end it.
(JennQR)
Similar to what TitanKT and Jenn pointed out, I am angered by the double-standard of:
Women getting together = cannot drink because they are watching their kids (which is 24/7.)
Men and women together = Sure, drink away because it is an authorized social event! Men drinking during Sunday Football, sure!
I imagine that Dr. Janet drinks wine with her busband during dinner (gasp!) in front of her four children.
So does that mean that lesbian couples with kids aren't ever allowed to drink?
I also really wish we could have seen the bit about role modeling moderate drinking. bah.
Well said. I loved her boots, too. I almost want to watch again for the necklace, but I don't think I can stomach it.
I still don't see why any of this is newsworthy.
Thank you for those points. I thought the same thing about the doctor having help.
They acted like a bunch of Baptists or something. Good gawd. I bet they do it with the lights off.
You are your kids' biggest teacher. Yes, teach your kids how to drink responsibly; don't stick your head up your ass and hope that they don’t binge. Because they will. With Zima. Not even the good stuff. I wonder whose kids will end up like that? Between the doc's and Melissa's, I bet it won't be Melissa's.
How Happy does this website make me!?
You think I'd be tired of this debate (or, really, of this same viewpoint being echoed widely) after reading approximately 4000 blog posts about the Today episode today and blogging about it myself. But I'm not tired of it, I'm still just plain mad. Four kids and perfect makeup my foot - I have one kid and I'm lucky if my shoes match!!
You have too many comments for me to read through (because I really need to down this vodka tonic right now) but I do want to say (hold on a sec...gulp! gulp! aaahhhh refreshing!) that I'm in awe that M.V. (can't bring myself to type that woman's name though the vodka's making me see V.D. and now I'm thrilled her initials, when blurred, are reminding me of a sexually transmitted disease) actually wondered aloud about drinking on the job.
Hiccup.
I was waiting for one of the kids to start slugging the wine, you know cause his ma was so sloshed and all. heh.
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