Guess My Disease!

On January 31, 2007 by Eden M. Kennedy

Hello, Internet! It’s time for a round of “diganose my disfiguring ailment.”

Here is a giant, unretouched photo of my throbbing red nose. It hurts like a motherfucker. Can you see how red it is on that one spot? In real life it’s bordering on purple. Don’t touch it! Fuck! Get away from me.

So far I have ruled out:
a. pimple
b. ingrown hair
c. gin blossoms

Other symptoms include:
1. inner crustiness
2. swelling
3. hideousness

This happened to my other nostril last month but since it went away after a couple of days I’m not really sweating it. Jack, however, perhaps fearing some sort of explosion of ooze, is wondering why the hell I’m not writing this from the waiting room at the walk-in clinic.

But if I go to the doctor s/he might tell me it’s:
* nostril strep
* nostril cancer
* nostril plague

So, you know, in the interest of letting it flourish, I’m going to give it another 24 hours. So the leprosy can really get a foothold. I hear you get extra Jell-O in the isolation ward.

EDITED TO ADD: OHMYGOD IT’S GETTING WORSE. You can see my heartbeat in my nose! AAARRRGHH.



62 Responses to “Guess My Disease!”

  • Have you checked in the nostril to see if there is a sore, like a fever blister? Those hurt like hell and cause a little swelling (Abreva helps).

  • Fever blister! Excellent suggestion. I have some lysine, I will take it immediately.

  • Poor little nostril. Feel better soon, ‘kay?

  • Whoops, my bad, missed your ruling out of gin.

    I’ve had something similar on my chin since Fall aka when I switched brands of pressed powder. Tossing the new product away and using something a derm gave me for excema last year has helped greatly.

  • ouch. hope it’s not leprosy. or anything worse. don’t pick it (your nose) so much. hahahahha….sorry.

  • Ow. I get these from time to time, usually on the heels of a cold or bad allergies. It’s a little cyst that forms in the nostril. You can try Abreva, but I usually go with the old-fashioned hot compresses and antibiotic ointment. Put most of the ointment on the outside of the nose, and just a little dab on the inside. Good luck. (copious wine could help too…)

  • I suggest it is probably your nostrils fusing from all the cocaine.

    Happens to all the celebrities dontchaknow.

  • I think we might need a *really* large version of that photo… You know, for use as a desktop wallpaper. :-]

  • On the outside! I would never have thought of that.

    As I am living a makeup-free lifestyle I’m going to go with the cyst/fever blister theory until I hear a better one.

  • It could technically be a boil – like a giant pimple that Is Not a Pimple. I have a girlfriend who gets them all the time. They come and go.

    Otherwise, the blister idea is a good one.

  • Dunno about the nose-itis, but if I were you I’d see if Jackson can manage to not mangle the long floats in the fair isle. If mangling occurs, just snip the damn things and knot them. No one will know. (I teach knitting and one of the things I teach in my Sweater 101 class is that if it doesn’t bother you, it shouldn’t bother anyone else. Alternately, if someone is close enough to point out a mistake, they are in your personal space and should be soundly slapped.)

  • The King’s Evil? The Marthambles?

  • Delurking (what a post to choose, huh) to say my dad had one last year. He kept putting neosporin in his nose(in spite of the fact that my sister, the nurse practitioner, has told us all to use polysporin or bacitracin instead of neosporin). He ended up looking like rudolph (much more red/purple and swollen than yours). Ends up that he had MRSA in his nose (nose-strep).

    I don’t know how to correctly spell any of those sporins, but just wanted to say, “Don’t use the neo-one.”

  • I would prescribe three margaritas, a new magazine and a hot bath. If after the bath you can still read the magazine, get back in with another round of margaritas. By tomorrow, you’ll have a headache and won’t be able to remember what hurt in the first place.

  • I had a very similar-looking thing several years ago. Doc said it was “follicalitus”.

    After I said “WTF, Doc?” he said it was an inflamed follical and I may have come in contact with someone (a child?) with Impetigo.

    It was nasty and gross and a painful sonofabitch.

    And it took just a few days of ointment to get rid of. :)

    (do I win?)

  • I was going to say Impetigo too -is it hard? I hear that can be so so very painful. I would follow AfricanKelli’s advice about the margaritas & mags. Couldn’t hurt could it?

  • I haven’t a clue, but I have to say I admire your bravery in posting the photo. Surely you get some sort of prize for that.

  • Um…gross?

  • Did you watch House last night? It was annoyingly preachy and tried to make a loooong sophomoric philosophy conversation into a plot.

    Anyway, this one dude came in with a nose problem and it turned out he had athlete’s foot in his nose from using nail clippers to trim his hairs. I almost wrote, ‘jock itch’, instead- though I honestly don’t know how one would get that in one’s nose.

    Pain anywhere about the head is distracting and sucky.

  • Could be impetigo…or maybe rosacea? Hmmm.

  • I’m going to guess rosacea.

  • There was a guy last night on House who had Athlete’s Foot in his nostrils from cutting his nose hairs with toenail clippers. Check for that.
    Also, drink two beers. I hear that is good for swollen shnozzes. My Papa’s shnozz is good evidence of that.

  • Coldsore in your nose. I get them all the time. They last longer than on your lip. Use a tube of flesh colored masking agent on the outside and whatever on the coldsore itself (which will be inside). Yeah, they hurt too.

    sheesh you are brave to post your schnoz on the net. I’m impressed.

  • Ditto on the cold sore/fever blister theory. Try putting a washcloth soaked in hot water over your nose to minimize the swelling and redness. I’m a huge fan of camphophenique for cold sores in my mouth, but can you stick that stuff up your nose?

  • That happened to me. And then my skin peeled on that spot for a month. It’s was lovely. Now it is all back to normal, but I kind of miss the satisfaction of peeling that bit of skin off every morning.

  • It’s a zit that hasn’t erupted yet. Hang tight, adult acne sufferer. Hang tight!

  • Ha ha ha! You have nose jock itch! Although it kind of looks like a pimple that is biding its sweet erupting time.

  • Hmmmm….No good diagnosis, however an observation: You know you’re a rock star blogger when:

    a) you dare post a picture of your nose/close up of your skin and people go “oOOOOhh! it’s a _____”
    b) You get 30 comments for said pic.

    Those bagels, by the way, looked *choice*. I also despise capers.

  • The thing in your nose is probably a cystic inner nostril zit. It will go away in a few days, but only if you refrain from poking parts of your nose to see if they still hurt.

  • I had that once, same symptoms. It was a zit, but on the inside of my nostril.

    I am so sexy.

  • Staph infection; rosacea isn’t painful. My husband had something similar, also in the nose, also extremely painful. I think it cleared up with a prescription cream? Good luck!

  • Yeah, I get the same thing. I call it ONS – ouchy nose syndrome. Goes away in a few days. A few looooong days where I keep prodding it to see if it has changed or done anything different other than hurting like hell. Nope – it is just hurting.

  • Oh that just doesn’t look good. Yeah, I’d hurry my ass to the doctor. Being the picker that I am I would have probably made it a million times worse by possibly trying to lance it myself.

    Keep us posted.

  • Huffing too much glue? Actually, I was going to guess rosacea.

  • hot compresses. lots of hot compresses.

  • Ummm, dermatologist? A dermatologist could figure that out in about two minutes (probably less…I used to work for one).

  • Yeah, watch it close and hie thee to a doctor ASAP if it doesn’t start improving quickly. There are NASTY bugs out there these days. It’s probably nothing serious, but I’m really paranoid about infections these days.

  • My guess is some kind of hair follicle/blockage/thing which is sort of like a zit, only more painful and takes longer to resolve.

    Wash with some tea tree oil soap. That always works for me, especially since I got a nose stud.

    Good luck!

  • First of all, can I just say you’re beautiful?

    Second, definately see a doc. You can get blood poisoning from infections that are untreated. Scary stuff!

  • Yes, OW, that looks REALLY painful. Did you try holding really hot washcloth on it… maybe that’ll, you know, soak it out or whatever.

    Ow, man, that makes my nose hurt just looking at you.

  • After reading all these comments I feel so educated! I will certainly be prepared IF I ever get a red ouchy nose.
    LOL at Maya…..rock star blogger indeed.

  • i would alternate between hot AND cold compresses. it helps all my bumpy and or pus-filled things that I sometimes get that are not STDs. NOT that I ahve STDs, but you know what i mean. i hope.

  • I know I’m coming in late here, but it looks like a Level Three Durante-ism. Unfortunately, there is no cure. However, you can make a lot of people smile if you put an elephant on a leash and sing “Inka Dinka Doo.”

  • Rosacea. My mom thought she had adult acne for years, and then red eyes got added to the equation. She’s not fair, so she didn’t get the tell-tale general flush.

  • Hm… sounds uncomfortable to say the least. Might be a little follicular cyst. The hot and cold compresses sound like the ticket… good luck.

  • you maykah me laugh.

  • If it’s really crusty, it’s probably Impetigo. I had this last year in the very same spot you have yours. After a long time I went to the doctor (it had already started to shrink) and she said it was either Impetigo or if it ever came back in the same spot something that was not curable (Thanks, Doctor Awesome). She gave me a prescription for something that was supposed to be like super duper neosporin, but I lost the prescription before I could have it filled, so I just kept using neopsorin and it finally went away.

  • I’m sorry about your nose, but I love the “This F’ing sucks photo!”

  • the nose may be a bit inflamed, but you have the cutest haircut ever.

  • I think it compliments your scarf quite well.

  • I like the fact you’ve dressed with a matching scarf. It’s very style-conscious of you.

    No idea what it is, though. Sorry.

  • You know, I didn’t make fun of you or anything… in fact, I feel really bad that you have such a painful owie on your nose of all places. But overnight, I got the same thing on the back of my head that you have on your nose! Like I got godsmacked or something. I don’t know that it’s red because I can’t see it, mercifully, but it’s a hot little bump just up in my hair and it hurts like hell! Like bad enough that it’s kind of giving me a headache. What IS this thing!?!

  • I am going with cold sore. I get them in my nose (have one now, high five!) and they do the same thing to me. I have a prescription for herpes medicine (yeah! sexy!) and a tube of Abreva. Did your nose feel all itchy and tingly and weird in that spot before the thing popped up, because that would definitely indicate a cold sore. Your cute hair definitley overrules whatever weirdness your nose is doing, so don’t stress about it.

  • God, that is just incredibly gothic.

  • Oh your hair is FABULOUS!

    Your nose, not so much. Good luck with that!

    (But hair! fabulous!)

  • That’s one jaunty scarf.

  • You had better get yourself checked for MRSA.

  • I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THIS IS!!! Sorry, it is nose staph! I have the same thing going on the same side of my nose as I type! Ok, here it is… Are you a bit prone to staph and/or have rosacea? This monster nose-itis runs in my family and if a lucky person pron to monsternose-itis stratches near the inside of the nostril or “flicks a boog” without ALWAYS using tissue, the staphy stuff under the fingernails cause irritation in the skin that was damaged or made sensitive by the scratch, etc. The staph, ferments in there and Ka-boom you have a horror on the outside of the nostril that is not a pickable zit or a bustable boil. Best not to touch at all, inside or outside of the nose while irritated, go to the staph-nose doc and get the antibacterial spray and ointment to shove up in the nostril (I can’t remember their drug names right off)
    Best Wishes!!!

  • It’s now several years later as I write regarding your nose situation. Please tell me that your nose has gotten better and you had a diagnose-is (what was it?). I presently have the same type of swollen spot and redness that you present in your picture. It hurts like a mother and it’s throbbing like hell.