Anyway

On March 17, 2007 by Eden M. Kennedy

I didn’t mean to make that M!ffy post the only thing up here all week, though at some point I did intend to add this:

(I still haven’t heard back from M!ffy’s legal defense team; I hope it gets more interesting, though, so I can devote a whole page of this Web site to what’s been kind of a formal and dull exchange of correspondence between me and Amsterdam).

Anyway, last night Jack had a gig so Jackson and I ordered Chinese food and I sort of half-watched the nearly unwatchable Cat in the Hat while I worked up a longish (but now deleted) post about how I went to this week’s therapy appointment and when I came back I found that, in a stunning bit of metaphoric transference, my dog had spread the bathroom garbage all over the living room. The next day she barfed up two used tampons, and this morning she pooped out some dental floss. And I think that’s all you need to know about that.

Therapy is funny. You might say that it stirs up some of the deeper currents, and then everything on the surface starts shifting, too. It’s not that I’m so unhappy, but I am seeing how if I don’t make a change in direction I might end up someplace I never wanted to be. So the usual bloggy song and dance would have seemed kind of fake this week. Sorry for the non-informative nature of this post. I’m still trying to get the imagined sensation my dog must have enjoyed as she foraged through my discarded gore out of my throat.


Whose bright idea was it to domesticate these vile beasts?

Comments

comments

47 Responses to “Anyway”

  • there is a definite metaphor between the dog puking up your gore and going to therapy. here’s hoping you’ll end up where you want to be. for now, you should end up at the beach because you can. it is snowing here.

  • I was going to start a photo gallery of things that have come out of my cats’ butts, but I have yet to find the proper justification for such a thing.

  • It got cold here all of a sudden, too. And last weekend the whole neighborhood was out in the pool.

    The only picture I’d want to see of what came out of a cat’s butt would be — what, a nugget of gold? Some glowing uranium?

  • johnnie depp?

  • Johnny Depp coming out of a cat’s butt. Wow.

  • Boy am I glad I decided to read the comments on this. I have a lovely visual going on right now.

  • My chews on our discarded bits of foss as well. The kids fight over who gets to yank the thing out of the poor beasts ass…

  • Kids fighting over who gets to pull the floss out of some poor animal’s ass, has everybody got that image now? Good.

  • This is the funniest string of comments ever.

    The first time my boyfriend met my dog I had him come through the door with treats in hand because she isn’t so keen on men. She loved him and wound up licking his hands and face with admiration. As soon as I got to the top of the stairs I saw that she had gotten into the bathroom trash wile he and I were at dinner. Pads and tampons were all over the place! I scampered around trying to clean up and hoping she had him distracted.

    We didn’t talk about what had happened, I’m still not sure that he recognized the stuff strewn about the floor, but I had a really hard time kissing him goodbye later that night.

  • OK nothing Irish here but I sure feel like I am turning green……… Woa! Never bored here….lol

  • We call those vampire popsicles.

    Yep, “we” do.

  • I feel compelled to tell you this. One of the rare times i babysat, the family dog spread half eaten used pads all over the floor while i was there.

    I made excuses after that. “I’m getting a nose piercing that night, so sorry.”

  • Vampire popsicles!

    Please ask your therapist about DBT. It helps with so many more Dx that it was intended.

  • What do all those letters mean?? English, please, unless you’re telling me to go on meds, in which case don’t bother with the explanation.

  • I’ll just say that I’m sorry to hear that you were subjected to the unwatchable “Cat in the Hat” movie. I would rather watch someone pull dental floss out of an animals’ butt than ever watch that movie again.

  • How will you ever kiss your dog again?

    new nickname: Tampon Breath ???

  • Mrs. Kennedy & pals, to say thank you for the funniest post (and comments) I’ve read in a while, I send you this lovely bouquet

  • Crap! My html was wrong. Try this

  • Damn! Okay: here’s the url. My lameness knows no limits.
    http://www.tamponcrafts.com/

  • I was so angry after watching “Cat in the Hat” – they completely ruined it.

    Now I don’t want anything to do with anything Dr Suess.

  • I won’t be able to get those images out of my head for a while now. Thanks. ;^) That’s right up there with watching my sister’s dog eat poop, then try to kiss my son. (Soooo not happening.)

    BTW, on the subject of yanking dental floss out of a pet’s ass (per caro’s comment above), y’all know that can hurt the pet, right? Especially if the floss (or string, or yarn, or long hair or whatever) is wrapped around part of the intestine. Pulling it out can cause serious injury (or death, if no veterinary care is given) to your pet. The best thing to do is let the pet poop the stuff out on its own. Never pull. :)

  • My wife once had a dog that ate one of her used tampons. She didn’t realize the dog had eaten it until she saw the string dangling out of its ass. She says the weirdest thing about the whole experience was that after she pulled it out the tampon looked completely clean.

  • No drugs.
    Dialectical Behavior Therapy
    “While DBT was designed for individuals with borderline personality disorder, it is used for patients with other diagnoses as well.

    It helped me tremendously.

  • And I thought it was bad that my dog was out in the yard eating his own crap! It’s probably because I actually flush the other stuff so he can’t get to it.

  • There was a girl whose blog I read a long time ago who had a beagle, and the beagle got really sick and wouldn’t eat or go to the bathroom for a couple of days. She took it to the vet and the vet didn’t know what it was, and she was really worried and scared her little dog was going to die… and then the beagle shit a pair of swim goggles and was totally fine.

  • I never noticed that her tail is not docked! That’s what their tails look like!

  • Swim goggles! Another captivating visual.

    Cookie has a really long tail for a bulldog, and it’s straight. Usually they don’t dock bulldog tails unless they’re the screwtails that cause spinal problems or get all up their butts. Being the technical term.

  • In college I had a dog that ate tampons. He barfed them up on my roommate’s filthy floor, and we didn’t find them until we’d kicked him out at the end of the semester. It was that filthy.

    I think she’s the cutest bulldog I’ve ever seen. Cuter than Handsome Dan(ielle). So she’s got that goin for her, which is nice.

  • Ten points for the Caddyshack reference.

  • Just so everyone knows,I don’t actually let the kids yank the floss out of my cat’s ass… It’s just funny to see them argue over doing something that is so absurd and disgusting.

  • I think making my first comment on your blog on the occasion of dog vomit is enough to cheer anyone up. Because if a dog barfing tampons can’t make someone come out of lurking, seriously – what can?

    But I hear you on the therapy thing. I am sorting through some crap from my past, which feels sort of weird because my present is mostly good. So the “currents shifting” thing made sense to me.

    Anyway. Hope the dog is OK. And the whole Miffy fiasco is hilarious.

  • I can’t afford therapy so I blog instead.

    I imagine my blogging would be much different if I was in therapy.

  • Do you people have any idea how difficult it is going to be for me to practice good oral hygiene from now on?!?!

    Excuse me – I need to go bleach my brain.

  • I still shudder when I remember the image of the trouser sock Sherlock horked up one morning. I thought he had barfed up a TURD until I poked it and realized it was my sock. Ewww…

  • I can completely imagine that dog ingesting all the mentioned items and then some!

    Therapy is a double-edged sword, no?

  • I had a dog who ate my underwear–imagine that coming out the other end!

  • one of the reasons that a lot of people give up on therapy is that things seem to get worse before they start getting better. but i’m sure that’s nothing you’ve not heard before. and though i’m just a stranger, i’m happy that you’re seeking help and i hope that doesn’t sound horribly patronizing because i certainly don’t intend it to be.

  • That particular behavior is not limited to dogs. Our parrot likes to play in the bathroom and I found her the other day perched on the edge of the trash can gleefully shredding one of my used tampons, holding it in one foot and surrounded by little pieces of reddish cotton fluff.

  • Have you thought about using a diva cup? No more tampons!

  • Is that like The Keeper? I used it for awhile but it didn’t work out for me.

  • And I thought it was bad when my supervisor’s cat ate a whole package of garlic…you’ve got her beat by a lot.

  • Will you be nicknaming her…ummm, Vampira? Or Tampira? I don’t know why some dogs are *So* obsessed with it, but it makes for some good stories.

    One of our cats enjoys going into our bathroom, prying open the box, getting out a fresh tampon, carefully peeling off the wrapper, and shredding the cotton ‘guts’ all over the floor in tiny, tiny bits. I figure at least it’s not used.

  • I like you because you’re so obviously genuine…so I’m glad you’re skipping the “bloggy song and dance” when you’re not feeling it. Good luck with the therapy – my last attempt wasn’t so good, but when it works it can be really helpful.

  • Dogs, cats, parrots–our trash cans are on top of furniture because of our baby.

    And the things that come out of her ass–well, I get in trouble from my husband over it.

  • I had a dog that used to fish used pads out of the bathroom trash and chew them up and strew them about the formal living room with the spotless peach carpet. My mom was too grossed out to clean that up so she’d leave it for me to deal with when I got home from school. Because 11-year-old girls don’t have enough things to be embarrassed about… a room full of torn up, blood-soaked cotton is strictly necessary.

    And my parents have a dog now who has a thing for chewing the crotch out of dirty underwear. He’s ruined several pairs of my mom’s and my son’s.

    Dogs are cute and fun and lovable… but frequently also really, really gross.

    P.S. Also love Miffy, love the theme-song… got it stuck in my head even now just from the power of suggestion.

    And for some reason, I keep thinking of your “Thrill Kill Kult Den Mother” post every time I get in the shower. Hmmm… maybe I need therapy, too?

  • The diva cup is like the keeper but made with silicone. It’s softer, works great.

    Gross with the crotch munchers, my friend had 34 pairs of underwear ruined while living in New York. A rat got into her apartment and munched it’s way through all of them.

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