Hold On, Hold On

On March 21, 2007 by Eden M. Kennedy

I got invited to another one of those vibrator fashion parties last night but I didn’t go. I’ve been too melancholy/weirdly needy lately to participate in a healthy social encounter; last week I even managed to bail on the book club that I’d only just joined last month. Really, I rationalized, why go out and drink when you can stay home and do it without risking both the finish on your fender and the life of an overconfident pedestrian? Also, when you stay at home, no one will beguile you into buying $300 worth of clothes that you don’t need and can’t pay for. Although I do regret missing the book club, it was probably the only occasion in my life where I could have dusted off a relevant personal anecdote about D. H. Lawrence’s “Sons and Lovers.” (Warning to all recent immigrants from Yorkshire: fear me and my familiarity with nineteenth-century British coal miner’s slang.)

So now it’s morning and for the amount of wine I drank last night I shouldn’t be nearly as chipper and clear-headed as I am, but apparently my tolerance is skyrocketing (thanks, therapy!). Mostly all I have rattling around in my head is a minor-key Neko Case song and some vague ideas about finishing this post with a picture of our tortoise trying to stuff his head under the refrigerator.

Jackson: “I barfed last night so that means I can’t go to school today.”

Me: “Says who?”

Jackson: “Says [my teacher]!”

We size each other up to decide who’s going to be the bigger bullshitter.

Me: “That wasn’t a stomach bug barf. You just coughed so hard that you barfed.”

I just needed to get him out of the house, let’s face it. We’ve made it almost all the way through flu season with nothing worse than a runny nose and I’ll be damned if he’s going to get off the hook without a fever of 104 and ballooning tonsilitis.

Now I’ve done it! We’re doomed!

Well, I really should be working. Did I tell you that Alice and I are writing a book together? We even have an agent who understands our rather demented goals and she’s sending out our proposal today. Six-figure advance! Fingers crossed!



52 Responses to “Hold On, Hold On”

  • We actually had a fever of 104 and tonsilitis this weekend. I mean, literally, EXACTLY that.
    And a UTI. In an 11-month old.

    Fuck me.

  • A book!!!!! I’ll be first in line to buy many, many copies. How exciting!

  • A book? Really? That is fantastic! Why? Because I love reading you and I love reading Alice and I love books! That’s why.

    I hope it goes well. Now I have something else to look forward to. Awesome!

  • Nice close – cliff hangers work well.

  • Ooh, impending book deal! I want to see you on the bloghers to authors panel this summer….

  • Whoadude! Excellent!

    Will it be called ‘Finfussy’? Or,

  • Or slipfussy? No, that sounds like some creepy, Victorian white-lacy-underwear-obsessed person at an Antique Mall.

    Is that eerily specific?

    Anyhoo… I’m sure you’ll get the book deal. How could they say no?

  • I a liberrian, I make sure we get at least a copy per branch!

  • My dear, are you an Iberian liberrian?

  • No.Way.


    Am dying of envious fortitudinal good wishes.

  • where’s the turtle pic? :)

  • He wandered off before I got my camera. Which I guess means that I’m slower than a TORTOISE.

  • A book! A book! Are you telling any more????

  • Too bad about the tortoise, I was looking forward to that.

    Congrats on the impending book deal! That will be an excellent read!

  • Unless there is a major organ launched up IN the barf, the child goes to school. Kidneys don’t count, he has two.
    *polishing Mother Of The Year trophy*
    Good luck with the book!!

  • i hope that advance doesn’t include ¢

    i envy you for a book deal, but not enough to actually write something myself. you can live the dream for all of us.

  • BOOOK! BOOK? No, you did not, in fact, mention a BOOK. Or an agent. Many, many congratulations in advance. Fusslippy? Lippfussy?

  • Wow and whoa ( how do you spell that? as in woah horsey?)

    In any case, Congratulations in a hug e way to both of you deserving women and i will galdly share a virtual glass of red wine with you. Have you tried french rabbit in the tetra pack? Perfect for camping if you imbibe in such activities.

  • Hey, whoa, hold up, girl!

    So, you need to take me a bit slower here. I’m reading along, like the good fan and all, and there’s homebody-ness, kid trying to get out of going to school…uh, I mean illness, and then…book deal?! Book Deal. Fantaboulous!

    That’s some serious cause for celebration there! I can honestly say that your good news has put me in a better mood today. No real reason except that I think all the Buddhism I’ve been reading lately is finally getting through. (Heh, what do you expect, I can’t afford therapy!)

  • Mrs. Kennedy — any advice on how to find such an agent? Because I’ve been throwing darts at that target for more than a year now without having a single one stick. Any help would be awesome.

    BTW — I’d totally buy Finfussy. Or Fusslippy for that matter.

  • Holy crap, Mrs. K! That’s awesome. The book deal. Not the rest of it. Although the staying-home-and-drinking-too-much-wine thing sounds nice; I used to that myself from time to time.

  • Just to clarify, there’s no book deal yet! Just a proposal.

  • Sending you good proposal sales mojo. I’m thinking it is about damn time you wrote a book.

    And I’ve totally sent kids to school less than 12 hours after the last barfing.

    And now I have E. Humperdink’s After the Lovin’ stuck in my head. Great.

  • “why go out and drink when you can stay home and do it without risking both the finish on your fender and the life of an overconfident pedestrian?”
    Laughing hard at that.

    It’s not “These Days” is it? That’s my favorite off-key Neko song. Oh, whatever, isn’t every Neko song off-key?

  • I think you were wise to stay home.

    New reader here.

    I hope you get that six figure advance.

  • Well, should your proposal result in an actual book, as well it should, you can put me down for a copy. Or two.

    And apropos of nothing, I had the weirdest feeling of deja vu when I started reading the comments. Like I had seen posthipchick’s comment already, and yours, and Kitty’s. It was tres weird.

  • it is so exciting that you are writing a book. i can’t wait to read it. and i get the making the kid go to school whenever humanly possible- my kid is excellent at exaggerating every illness.

  • Book proposals are so organized and optimistic. So it’s a good thing your goals are demented or the universe would be off tilt. Fingers are crossed!

  • oops, i guess i was a bit too excited by the prospect of your book!

  • I wore my fussy tshirt to the St Andrews poetry festival last weekend. I thought it was relevant. Of course, it was so freaking cold no one but me and my husband saw it under all the layers but it. was. there.

  • I wore my fussy tshirt to the St Andrews poetry festival last weekend. I thought it was relevant. Of course, it was so freaking cold no one but me and my husband saw it under all the layers but it. was. there.

  • A book! ‘Appen that be champion good news. Many a mickle meks a muckle, an’ a’ that.

  • Coming out on your blog about writing a book is huge, congratulations – you are my favorite blog-writer and I will be thrilled to have a whole book written (in part) by you.

  • That’s right, you buried the damn lede.

    Wow. So, I’m going to assume this proposal will be scarfed up and I’ll just stand here by Amazon, waiting to preorder.

    Sorry the mental shit is still, ah, shitty. Hope things turn around soon.

  • How exciting – am thinking good thoughts re: the book proposal!

  • Best news ever!
    That will be the fussiest, finslippiest book I’ve ever read.
    Fingers crossed and all that rot.
    Yay you!

  • SO RAD, mrs. kennedy! i hope your deal comes through. i’m thinking a handstitched book cover would be pretty awesome. ;)

  • Ok..That’s it…BOTH you and Mrs. Kennedy are invited to my next vibrator party. I JUST had one last weekend (www.tsm.serveblog.net for info) so you’ll have to wait a bit. But why wait for me? Go to the website (I think it’s http://www.slumberparties.com) and find you a consultant…you’ll REALLY have a good time, and seriously, the guys don’t really mind if you spend $150! Really!

  • I love that song. I would marry Neko Case if I could.

    And my husband would let me.

  • I too love that song, and Neko Case. I can only sing it HER way when I’m drunk and I start to pay less attention to myself singing.

    I especially like the part: “I leave the party at 3 am/ Alone thank God/ With a valium from the bride/ It’s the devil I love/ And that’s as funny as real love”

    And I found something about Satanism !

  • YES, that’s exactly the part I love, too!

    Despite the Christian lyric analysis.

  • How did you find your agent? I’d love to know; I’m working on a twisted, demented book proposal myself and have NO idea how to even find an agent.

    Fingers are crossed here, too! Look forward to seeing your work in print.

  • MK, e-mail me. fussy at fussy dot org.

  • There’s nothing like being late to the blog party.

    I’ve been to two vibrator parties now, and I have to say you do get sucked into buying $300 of crap that three months down the line you look at and realize it scares the bejeezus out of your partner and yourself. Anything that takes batteries and is called “Thunderdome” can’t be good for the male ego.

    I find that some days I can’t get the lyrics from “John Saw That Number” out of my head.

    Congrats on the book!

  • I just can’t stand those parties where women invite their “friends” over to watch said “friends” write them personal checks for merchandise they don’t want only to avoid looking like a cheapskate in public. I have an absolutely “not going” policy about all “parties” that require me to spend money on things other than food and excessive drinking.
    Bonne Chance with the book. I can safely say that all your readers are green with envy which doesn’t mean we aren’t ruthlessly supportive. But envy is a very powerful emotion.

  • Things are going to start happening to you NOW.

  • Six-figure advance? Pshaw. I’m rooting for mid to high-six figure advance.

    Whoo for you!

  • A book by Eden and Alice? Thank you, Lord, for hearing my prayers! Here’s hoping the proposal generates a massive bidding war and keeps you both in clover for years to come. Please keep us posted. But if you do get a book deal, please don’t stop bloggin’ (or believin’ …)

  • Congrats on the book!

  • That is a book I definitely want to read!

  • I have read your blog carefully and like it a lot! We have the same opnion! Could you check my blog at: http://www.muslimfriends.com/i/free to check my blog title: helenwang`s blog”? May be we can talk further and be friends.