Wait, What?

On March 28, 2007 by Eden M. Kennedy

A nurse came to the house yesterday for the mandatory Prudential we-won’t-sell-you-life-insurance-unless-we’re-sure- you-don’t-need-it check-up. As usual, my blood pressure is unspeakably low — it’s a wonder I can even blink my eyes — but it turns out Jack and I are, respectively, eleven and five pounds heavier than our bathroom scale says we are. Our bathroom scale is a dirty black liar, yes, but it’s also an inconsistent liar? Shouldn’t we both be the same amount of pounds overweight? Shouldn’t everyone who gets on the scale go, Oh, this scale is five pounds off! Instead, our scale seems to size up each individual who steps on it, and says, “Hmm, not only can I can detect your core temperature by calculating the surface area of the soles of your feet, but I can also grade your personal vanity and visualize the last time you called your mom. I hereby decree your weight to be two pounds off! Go forth and feel not too badly about yourself today.”

If it was just the scale thing I probably wouldn’t have bothered posting about it, but according to the nurse’s magical measuring tape, I’m a full inch taller than I thought I was? And Jack is an inch shorter.

Only this kitty picture can accurately describe how I feel about all this new information:

ALSO, I need to alert you to the fact that it’s the Spring Sell-A-Thon over on my t-shirt page, prices have been slashed and all winter-weather long-sleeve tees are now $5.00 off until I leave for New York. Your support means I’ll not only make it to BlogHer this year but I’ll also be able to launch a saucy new batch of “Fussy” tees in time for the summer pouting season.



24 Responses to “Wait, What?”

  • Hysterically funny. All of it. The post. The cat. And that cat looks remarkably stoned. (Yes, I know what stoned cats look like.)

  • i haven’t been weighed in two years but i’m sure that the next time i go to the doctor’s office i won’t just be told that i’ve gained _ _ pounds but i imagine a remark about my mass and the surprising lack of gravitational pull and satellites will be made.

    i would love an orange fussy shirt but i think orange is the bastard color. people just either look good in it or they don’t.

  • is it too analytical of me to only want to respond to the scale thing? And say that’s all about percentages, like if your car speedometer is off because your wheels are the wrong size, it won’t be off by 5 mph but will change relative to your speed? Likewise, the more you weigh, the more the scale will be off?

    I’m such a nerd.

  • T-shirt related question. Are the unisex shirts longer in length than the women’s ones?

  • i declare a need for maternity shirts! more specifically: one maternity shirt, for me please.

  • The unisex shirts are definitely longer than the women’s style, but I am on the hunt for long-torso’d women’s tees.

  • So you’re actually 155? I found 150 hard to believe re: you photograph so lithe and lanky.

    Thank you for being on the lookout for longer torso (but still boobisk-friendly) women’s tees. I wasn’t going to say anything, but since the topic is open – my red long-sleeve(medium) Fussy shrank like a bad date. It was lovingly washed in Dreft + cold water + line dried. I have other Silver For Her’s that have done the same, while some (same style #) have not.

  • ::::Disclaimer::::

    These are still fine shirts to buy, so if you don’t have one yet, what are you waiting for? Just buy a size larger.

    Good day,
    Paul Harvey

  • scales? BADDDDDD!

  • I would also LOVE orange tshirts. And more for kids, since they will be freakin’ fussy until they are 23.


  • uhhhhh, Can I have your old scale?

  • Wow, what a tricky scale you have! It’s not like I want my scale to wake up every day and say “Good Morning, of Lovely One, I dub thee waif-thin and clear skinned this good day” …. But I’d settle for a little mystery and moodiness, just for kicks….

    Consider yourself lucky.

    Your scale has personality.

  • Just another reasons why no one should own scales.

  • Uh, reason, that is.

  • Yay for long torso’d Fussy t’s! I wear a pink tanktop under my red one that looks pretty cute, but it’s not cute when the tank top creeps up.

  • I know my scale is at least five pounds off, but five pounds in my favor so I thank it every morning and kiss it goodnight. Now if only my jeans would be so forgiving!

  • I went to the doctor a few years ago and was measured and was 3/4″ shorter than I had believed myself to be for years! It’s a bit disheartening for sure.

  • 11 pounds heavier AND an inch shorter that one thought? What a drag.

  • Dude… the kitty picture? Has made my day. I was all… laughing at it and shit.

  • I’m wondering what the changes in height combined with the changes in weight do to your respective Body Mass Indexes.

  • Just be glad your not a fat middle aged woman struggling to fit in the hip abductor machine at the Y and then pinching herself in the BELLY every time she brings together her massive thighs.

    Yeah, that would be me.

  • Dude, the cat is like, stoned? Yeah? Dude.

  • Personally, I pick whichever scale was the lowest and go with that one.

  • I have arrived 3 years later to tell you all IT WAS THE FLASH, KIDS!
    and now you have to be my friend on facebook instead of myspace