Three Things

On June 8, 2007 by Eden M. Kennedy

First of all, I got home last night and found that, hey! After having been gone for three weeks, Jack had managed to keep a plant, a tortoise, a dog, a child, and himself alive, keeping the house looking good while balancing everyone’s nutritional needs, cleanliness, and the demands of a more-than-full-time job.

“Plus, I got almost all the blood stains out of the carpet!”

Secondly, everyone should go to Amazon RIGHT NOW and buy a copy of Mr. Patrick “Bad News” Hughes’s new book, Diary of Indignities. My copy was waiting for me when I got back home and it looks great. I guess you could go to his Web site and read a lot of the stuff in the book for free, but that wouldn’t put the several dollars in his pocket that he deserves for living through all that shit and still being sentient enough to write it down. Plus, the book has a nice heft to it, and there are glossy pictures of his dad struggling to get into a Batman costume that you can cut out and frame. I’m going to buy an extra copy and do just that!

Thirdly, I guess I’ve crossed over to the dark side, or whatever today’s youth are calling it when you go get a gig as a Professional Blogger. The good people at Nerve are paying me to write about kids and stuff over at Babble. Of course, I put up my first post last night, road-weary and drunk on my own power sake, and then I woke up sweating in the middle of the night going, “WAIT JUST A GODDAMN MINUTE. I just wrote a post about my own kid that I should have posted on my own site but now I can’t because I signed over the RIGHTS TO HIS CHILDHOOD?!” That kept me awake for about five minutes (hooray for exhaustion). But seriously, did I just make a huge mistake? Or I guess I can NOT write about Jackson over there, just, uh, general kid stuff? Fuck, I’m so tired I can’t feel my face, I shouldn’t be allowed to sign contracts. Oh, well. I’ll get it figured out. I like earning money, after all! Who doesn’t?

Anyway, I’m not sure the new blog, a.k.a. “California Breedin’”, has even officially launched yet, I don’t see a link for it on the Babble homepage, so maybe they’re not sure about me yet, I don’t know.

Fuck. I’ve got about 8 million loads of laundry to do. Have a nice weekend.



26 Responses to “Three Things”

  • Glad you’re home safe after an emotionally-exhausting three weeks — and glad also to hear that everyone was able to function without you. I’m always thrilled to return to a functional household after a trip. I don’t need to feel needed on that front. :)

    Have a nice weekend yourself.

  • Welcome home and THREE CHEERS FOR JACK!

  • Oh man, I love Nerve. I dig a website that can positive spin my perviness into cerebral sensuality. I’ve never been to Babble. If it doesn’t come up under a Google search that includes “lubricant+Barry White+bourbon+turkey baster,” I haven’t been there. But if they’re putting your stuff up, I can put the lube and the turkey baster down for one night. And turn the Barry White down. The bourbon, however, is non negotiable.

    Welcome home.

  • congratulations and love and thanks and stuff.

  • Congrats on the writing gig.

    Sorry about the laundry. I, lid, have about 145 thongs and 258 towels and I can’t count all the sheets. This way I can go decades without doing laundry. Yes, my jean collection is huge.

  • I picked up some of those Magic Erasers and thought of you while neurotically removing scuff marks from everything within reach. You did a good thing for your mama.

    Bet it feels nice to be in your own (now with fewer bloodstains!) home.
    ps. More Fussification of the internet, please and thank you Nerve.

  • Welcome home and congrats on the paid gig. Loved the egg post. Wish I would have thought of that when Bryan’s dad died last September.

  • Actually, I read that article earlier today (before reading this latest Fussy post), having found it via a trackback from JenB’s blog, and thoroughly enjoyed it.

    Three cheers for our Canadian chocolate!

  • Welcome home, thanks for bringing some friggin’ sunshine back.

    Babble is a Nerve production? Eeeeenteresting. I suppose it’s logical, like putting the diapers on the same aisle as condoms (Yes, I’m looking at you, Longs).

  • Welcome home! I hope you manage to get a nap in this weekend.

  • Congratulations — and welcome back to the laundry ..!

  • Well, you had me in stitches with your brilliant tag for Patrick’s book, so I’m thrilled that I’ve got more opportunities to read your stuff. Woo!

  • Welcome back to the Holy Land. You have really good timing. The sun just started shining 3 days ago. It had been miserably foggy until then.

    Thanks for the tip on Bad News Hughes. Love his stuff.

  • Oh for crying out loud! I am Canadian and have been buying the (German?) Kindersurprises as long as I have been a mom (14 years). NONE of my 3 kids have died. Don’t know the stats on the rest of the world but hey, they work for us. As for the toys being easy to put together, I beg to differ! Of course if I could read instructions it would help.

    Yeah, I know. Should have commented at the other site. Too lazy tonight to register. Good for you for the paying gig :) Bet after you get a handle on the laundry you will be happy to be home.

  • Happy you made it home safe and sound to find everyone alive and well.

  • I am glad you are writing and will go wherever to read whatever. And I don’t have kids.

  • Welcome to Babble! I’d send you a Kinder Egg as a blogwarming gift, but I’m fresh out.

  • congrats on the gig.. can I send you my laundry. It’s only 20 loads or so. I promise it will blend right in with your 8 million like nothing.

  • Welcome back and congratulations. I liked how the “key phrase” for Hughes’ book were:
    poo water, ass blood, saltwater catfish, Down Syndrome, Cousin Barry, Moss Man…

  • I love the tags for his book including yours. I was going to tag it with “I sat in some gum,” but someone else beat me to it. I’m definitely buying his book. Regardless of what he’s writing about, he’s one funny dude.

  • Need to check out that book. Thanks for the head’s up.

  • New places to find your humor is good news! Thanks for the link to the book too.

    I have a WORST Father’s Day contest of sorts going on this week…come check it out!!

  • did Nerve approach you or you them? how does one manage that whole process? I’d like to try.

  • They approached me, but I you could probably go over there and pitch them something if you had an idea.

  • Writing for money is way better than writing for no money. Nice going.

  • Your photo on the babble sight is very sweet.