I expect the thing about ironing will make Jack laugh derisively

On January 3, 2008 by Eden M. Kennedy

Last night between the hours of 2:00 and 4:00 a.m. I had ample time to meditate on this whole new year’s resolution gig. Jackson’s woken up two nights in a row now, out of his mind with an idea for a new open source database obsessive thoughts about some dumb TV commercial it was my bright idea to let him absorb the other night as I was debating whether or not to let him watch Family Guy. It was a spot for a film about some jerk who calls people up on the phone and tells them they’re going to die.

At 2:00 a.m., a wailing child in a room ten feet away cannot be argued back to sleep. Nor will standing in the child’s doorway, glaring at him, help. Your absence — stomping to the kitchen for milk and then, what the hell, carrying the puppy out for a pee — only ensures the boy will work himself into full, bleak, unbreakable consciousness.

It’s easier to be nice when you’ve had a full night’s sleep.

Or, as Alice once said, “Yelling at them always calms them down.”

Half an hour of trying-every-trick-in-the-book later, as I climbed up into Jackson’s bunk bed and he snuggled gratefully in my arms, I was also reminded of something the Dalai Lama always says (maybe he heard it from Alice): “My religion is kindness.”

So that seems like a good new year’s resolution: kindness. Not that it will be easy. You want to aim for kind but honest. Flexible, but not a doormat.

After from the men and dogs in my life, the biggest test of this resolution will be ferreting out only the most high-toned gossip to post at MamaPop — that recent bit I did on Michael Jackson, while amusing, probably won’t earn me a summons to Oslo.

Other potential resolutions I am almost ready to commit to!

1. Keeping my check register legible.

2. Maybe doing some ironing since all of our napkins and placemats look like we store them in test tubes.

3. No more ordering shit online. Last month I paid $17.00 in round-trip postage for the pleasure of trying on a coat, and an as-yet undetermined amount (I’m afraid to go to the post office) for some deceptively heavy Flor tiles that made walking barefoot an experience akin to lining your flip-flops with 40-grit sandpaper.

Anyway, here’s what Jackson did yesterday:

sand surfing

The idea here is to make all my snow-bound relatives weep.



35 Responses to “I expect the thing about ironing will make Jack laugh derisively”

  • I know that ad! We leap for the TIVO when it comes on if the kid’s in the room while we watch Simpsons. Last month it was Alien Vs. Predator. Pisses me off that those crappy ads are on so early- couldn’t they wait until it’s just the parents comatose with a glass of wine on the couch? I would promise to be impressionable for them…

  • You’re making this Canadian girl in -22 C weather weep, too…


  • What? Legible check register? I thought it was more fun guessing how much went where! Or to whom. My children would be jealous if they saw this. Our snow hasn’t stuck and mud just isn’t that fun! It requires baths.

  • You’re already LEAGUES away from me by actually OWNING a check register. And then WRITING in it. Wow. WRITING in it.

  • You inspired me to consider buying cloth napkins, so I can live fancy like you. (Not buy, just consider buying.) I thought the rumpledness added to your bohemian chic.

  • It just occurred to me, after using the phrase for many years, that ‘to laugh derisively’ is a tautology and a needless repetition of the same thing. ‘Derisively’ derives from ‘to deride’ which in turn comes from the Latin de (of) and ridere (to laugh). Hmm.

    My New Year’s Resolution is to stop making annoying, pointless comments on other people’s blogs. Damn. Foiled, only four days in.

  • Yes, but aren’t there different kinds of laughter, and derisive laughter seems more mocking — laugh at you rather than laugh with you. Since Jack is forever laughing at my disinterest in housekeeping, it seemed important to make that distinction.

  • I don’t think we’re related, but that picture of Jackson kinda made me weep.

  • Being all kinds of single and without children, I kind of want that ringtone just so my cell phone will make children weep. Is that wrong? I know, a little. Is it much wrong?

  • kind but honest. very nice mantra indeed.

  • As a fellow Californian, that pic makes me laugh! Screw all the rest of yous!

    I also worry about my 9 yo watching Family Guy, but I have to say we bought a DVD over the holidays and watching it all together was THE BEST ‘family time’ we’ve had in ages. I guess we’re all a bunch o’ pervs.

  • The family guy is not to be view by our 9 year old son. I want him to remain a child for as long as possible, he’s only got 18 years as a minor and the rest of his life an adult. I don’t need to show or have him hear this stuff yet—there’s plenty of time for him to see these things…when he’s older.

    I’m not nice I’m kind. It took me a while to see the difference and now I’m okay with that. There are times I wish I was sweet, nice whatever else that conjures images of angles and marshmallow fluff. But I’m not, I’m me.

  • “The idea here is to make all my snow-bound relatives weep.”

    I’m not related, but I sure as hell am snowbound. I’m weeping, alright!

  • Hey, I got an e-mail from U.S. Senator Barbara Boxer and I think she’s trying to do something to stop that whole “One Missed Call” thing. She said “without the protections provided in this bill, the cell phone numbers of countless Americans could be at risk” and nothing is more risky than an American remake of a Japanese horror movie, right? First it’s “The Ring” and next it’s “The Ringtone”.

  • Your making Floridians who HAD SNOW YESTERDAY IN 3 PLACES* weep as well. Thanks for that.

    * caps required

  • I’m not a relative but I live in Minnesota…so…I am weeping heartily.

  • After 8 years in Boston and conversations like:

    “What are you doing today?”
    “I gotta go dig out the car again. What are you doing today?”
    “We’re going sailing.”

    I finally followed my big brother to Austin, where now, 30 in the morning and 60 in the afternoon is too cold to go outside. Yay sun! Boo snow!

  • I have the same resolution about online shopping. Upromise is my enabler (but 5% of the purchase goes into Junior’s fund! I’m not buying it for me — I’m buying it for Junior!!!)

    Has anyone else noticed that The Family Guy is on, like, ALL THE TIME?

  • I wish Michael Jackson would get summoned to Oslo…or Siberia.

    I am weeping more for the blue sky, as I couldn’t really recall what one looked like until I saw that picture.

  • “some deceptively heavy Flor tiles that made walking barefoot an experience akin to lining your flip-flops with 40-grit sandpaper.”

    Oooh, were they Working Class? We made an area rug out of that for the entry hall. Thankfully, we’re rarely barefoot in the entry hall because OUCH!

  • Yes, Working Class! “Good for high traffic areas.” Like hockey rinks and auto showrooms.

  • Okay, is it a bad thing that my 6 y/o has seen that same commercial numerous times and utterly and completely fails to have nightmares about it? He reports that he does HAVE nightmares occasionally, which almost never wake him up so I only know that because he told me. I can count on less than one hand the number of times he’s woken up crying about a bad dream. Like maybe three times ever in his young life.

  • Funny, when I was put on the spot re: New Year’s Resolutions this year, I said, “Um, to be kinder.” The person who’d asked was surprised; apparently she didn’t realize I’m not always the kindest, most patient person in the world. (That’s my husband you hear laughing in the background.)

  • My sweet 10 year old LOVES ‘Family Guy’–what little he’s seen of it anyway. He splits a gut at the commercials even. Guess I shoulda had my kids closer together as the teenager watches it religiously and, so, it is nearly unavoidable. That and the fact that it is on constantly, like The Wench said. Oh, well. Perhaps it will lead to lucrative television careers?

  • You’re absolutely right, of course. Sorry for being obnoxious. :)

  • That commercial scares the shizzits outta me, too. My cell phone is now my tormentor.

  • Oh, those scary ads! It’s just not right to air them so early in the evening. Family hour? What “family hour?”

  • Oh, WOE is me in Toronto Canada, looking at that last picture, thankyouverymuch!

    Good luck with the kindness — that’s a great resolution!

  • Kindness works.

  • dude! that commercial is the worst! it’s a good thing i’m a quick draw with the remote, or i’m sure i’d be in your shoes.

    as much as i love “family guy” i don’t think i’m ready to unleash its crudeness on my boys. it already seems like “poop” or “butt” or “nuts” gets worked into every other conversation in this house, so why give them more ammunition? heh.

  • Doesn’t making “your snowbound relatives weep” go directly against your resolution to be kind?

  • Oh, thank you, I thought no one would get the joke.

  • hey, you HAVE cloth napkins and attempt to record your checks instead of using your debit card and going about your merry way so i say KUDOS to you.

  • Won’t you elaborate on the FLOR tiles? They look so nice….