Malaseb Pledgets

On January 18, 2008 by Eden M. Kennedy

Peewee was smelling a little funny, even after a nice bath with the flowery dog shampoo. Dogs always smell kind of doggy, but over the weekend his hindquarters started to smell like a window box full of recently fertilized geraniums.

I’m going to get a lot more specific than that in the following paragraphs, so if you don’t relish the thought of a story about my dog’s butt, here’s a link to Amy Winehouse’s latest hairdo.

We sort of knew that Peewee’s adorable little corkscrew tail was a potential source of something or other — toxoplasmosis? Colony Collapse Disorder? It certainly likes to hang onto a souvenir portion of the delightful organic material regularly squeezed out just beneath it. So when he started rubbing his butt against the carpet and yapping, and I smooshed a cool baby wipe beneath his tail and it came back with a small smear of blood on it, Jack and I gave each other that “Uh-oh” look and I made an appointment with the vet.

Our vet loves Peewee. She frequently kisses him throughout his exams, and that day was no different, despite the odor of rotting daffodils emanating from his hindquarters.

“Oh, he’s got a hot spot,” she said sadly. She pulled Peewee’s tail gently to the side so that I could see his inflamed patch of extra-anal epidermis. Then she sighed. “I’m going to have to shave it.”

When I think of all the jobs in the world that I have ever had and ever will complain about, I will from this day forward remind myself that, Yes, this may be boring/thankless/a pain in the ass, but at least I’m not shaving a baby bulldog’s butthole.

In less than 24 hours he was back to his old self; some mild antibiotics and me swishing baby wipes around the affected area twice a day and we had our boy back.

“Baby wipes probably won’t be a long-term solution, though,” said the vet. “You may be doing this for a very long time, as a preventive, so you’ll need these medicated wipes. Here, I’ll write down the name.”

Malaseb Pledgets.”

“Does that say Malaseb Pledgets?” I said, fearing that both doctors and vets have a dangerous disregard for penmanship. “It sounds like a box of cereal from another planet.”

It took me another minute, driving away in the car, to realize what the name really reminded me of:

Roz Chast, if your career in cartooning ever dries up, the veterinary skin remedy naming industry could use a talent like yours.



28 Responses to “Malaseb Pledgets”

  • Thanks a million for the link to Amy Winehouse…i was feeling a bit down on myself today, but that photo cleared up all my blues!

  • Glad PeeWee is ok! I swear that my first instinct when I read the title of this post was to try and read what it was backwards, in case, you know, it was a secret code. Maybe I should stop having wine during client lunches.
    House of Jules

  • Lol, cereal from another planet….

    I’ve got a little something for you on my site!
    I awarded you the Excellent Blog Award. Come and get it!

  • Whoa. Now I now what I’m going to name my next band!

    Oh, aminals. I think I might have just been taken to the cleaners by the local doggy store. I went to just innocently pick up some extra layers because it’s supposed to be -15 degrees in Chicago this weekend, and I came out of the store all flustered and confused, with FOUR sweaters, sweet potato chews, raspberry liver treats, some supplement for goopy eyes and this thing that looks like a big stick of chapstick that goes on their feet to protect them from salt. What?

  • In what universe is reading about your dog’s butt worse than Ms. Winehouse’s hair, hmm?

    I just checked a book out from the library (“The Clockwork Muse”) – the author’s name is Eviatar Zerubavel. I know it looks like I just pounded on the keyboard a bit there, but that’s really his name. Although perhaps it is also the name of a doggy ointment.

  • “When I think of all the jobs in the world that I have ever had and ever will complain about, I will from this day forward remind myself that, Yes, this may be boring/thankless/a pain in the ass, but at least I’m not shaving a baby bulldog’s butthole.”

    damn it, woman, you just made me choke on a pistachio. I should know better than to eat and read fussy at the same time.

  • I once paid $10 for my cat to be given an enema. I would have paid a LOT more.

  • Aaannnnddd that’s why I have a cat.

    All I have to do is wipe his poop and pee off the basement floor and shoot him up with Zoloft once a day.


  • I shave dog butt for a living. :D Seriously, I left a nice 9-5 desk job to do it. I’m hoping to learn to groom, but you have to start off as a bather where I work. We even have to squeeze the dreaded ANAL GLANDS. (If you don’t know what that is, take a moment and look it up.) Yep. All in a days work.

    Just be glad that there are people out there who like animals enough to do that for them. Even when there’s shit tangled up in all the butt hair.

  • “cereal from another planet”= vv funny, and I did the reading it backwards thing too

  • Thanks for the link to the medicated wipes. I’ve been using children’s flushable wipes on my English bulldog Lula when she’s been “skootching” and they don’t really work that well. (Was mentioning skootching too much information?)

  • We here at Clumber Central are all too well acquainted with Malaseb and all its various forms, including the pledgets. (Always want to type “pledgelets” but that makes me think of a fraternity rush.)

    We found that diet was the remedy for skootching and all other things nasty with the anal glands. For our dogs, eliminating all processed grains was the magic formula. YMMV

    For garden variety hotspots, listerine and gold bond powder work wonders.

  • oh my goodness, I know I should not be laughing but I’m just beside myself. About eight years ago when my mother, breeder of large dogs, took up with Bulldogs the one thing she had to say was you’d better just get yourself a vet and park her in your garage if you’re going to mess about with this breed because the most amazing things occur in their devious little bodies. Those glands in Peewee’s butt being the least of some problems.

    They are an amazing breed though.

  • Ha! I would’ve thought Malaseb Pledgets was the prime minister of Ethiopia and I would’ve been grievously in the wrong. For what it’s worth, anagram software says you can rearrange the product name into Massage Bled Pelt. Yay!

  • I once knew a guy who was a cow-inseminator. He had to shove his arm, up to the elbow, into the waiting female and deliver some bull sperm. Gag.

  • Laughing so hard right now.

    Also, thanks for the Winehouse story. My God, what a mess. That describes both stories, actually. I just hope Dr. Phil can stay away from Amy.

  • Ahhhhh, hot spots. I’m ever too well acquainted with them. Both my dogs–Akita and Jack Russell get them. I was spending a fortune on some special spray my vet recommended and then one day I was at PetCo with my JRT. One of the sales girls recommended Sulfodene–an over the counter first aid liquid. Apply a couple of times with a cotton ball and poof. All gone. The bottle cost me maybe $8 for 4 oz and it has lasted a very long time.

  • …at least I’m not shaving a baby bulldog’s butthole…

    That’s going to do wonders for your search engine hits!

  • We had to perform a tailectomy on our bulldog for the same reason. We wiped for six years before the infections would not go away. Once the corkscrew was gone, no more wipes.

  • I’m toying with the idea of getting dog if I ever leave this “no dogs allowed” apartment, but right now I’m pretty thankful for my low-maintenance cat and that I haven’t had to mess with her nether regions. The worst so far has been the “dingleberry from hell” that needs to be shaved off — or cut off — since she refuses a bath.

  • I am probably the only non-sociologist in the universe who is a fan of Eviatar Zerubavel. Seriously.

  • I was going to tell you about Ian’s old family poodle and its recurring swollen anal glands, but Blu’s already there with the T-shirt.

    Meno, I would have paid $10 to have a third party pop an enema up my cat. I used to have to do it myself every morning, hangover or no hangover.

  • Quality comments today, btw.

  • You had me at “hot spot”! Seriously. Funny!

  • Oh, my dog has the same thing except with her…feminine area. I use the pledgets about once a week now, and they work beautifully. The entire appointment when the vet kept dropping “Pledgets,” I thought he was just making up the word!

  • I use Plegets on my pug’s nose wrinkle. They really work but they burn like hell if you have a cut on your finger, so wear gloves!

  • I shave Pas’ butt about once a month thanks to an unwelcome rectal exame (are those EVER welcome?) which left him traumatized should poop ever get stuck!

  • OMG… you all just got me laughing until I teared up! As an ex-bulldog raiser (not breeder) I can so totally relate to the discussion!

    I loved the lady that suggested just getting your own vet and keeping them in your garage, that probably would have saved me a ton of money in hind sight! I actually asked the vet once if I could set up direct deposit for my paychecks to automatically dump into their bank account to save time!

    Many thanks for the laughs and wonderful memories