Until last Saturday night, I’m pretty sure that we were living in some sort of karaoke “28 Days” scenario in which I was the only person left who’d never performed “Dude Looks Like a Lady” drunk in a bar in front of a bunch of drunken bar strangers. (Me and Jagosaurus.)
And I’m actually one of those weird people who enjoys public speaking. I also love reading my own work in front of a crowd. But singing is an entirely different matter. I do not sing well. I have a weird ear thing where my voice echoes so badly in my own head that producing a sustained sound is exactly like putting a bucket over my skull and hitting it repeatedly with a ladle.
Having said all that — having entitled an entire Flickr set “Avoiding Karaoke” – I knew that as soon as I’d purchased my ticket for San Francisco this year I’d better decide what song I was going to need to know at 1:00 a.m. when Maggie stood poised over a clipboard with a pencil in her hand waiting for me to choose between “The Tide Is High” and “Like a Virgin.”
“I signed you up for HERE COMES YOUR MAN!” she shouted at me last Saturday night at the El Rio, where The Amazing Embarrassonics were tuning up. Karaoke backed by a live band.
“No, I know what I want to do!” I shouted back.
Maggie was the first of us to go up. She nailed George Michael’s “Faith.”
I looked at Melissa. “What are you going to sing?” I asked. “There’s not enough alcohol in the world to make me get up there,” she replied. (Her default move was to document the experience.)
Heather went soon after Maggie. The band had a list of like 200 songs but Heather’s first choice wasn’t on there (I can’t remember what it was) so she ended up choosing a John Denver song. While she was standing up on stage trying to focus on the lyrics sheet, the bass player came up to the front of the stage, pointed at her, and said, “Do you guys know who this is?” The crowd looked at him blankly. “DON’T YOU PEOPLE EVER GO ON THE INTERNET?!” he shouted.
Alice amazed us with a terrific version of Bill Withers’ “Ain’t No Sunshine.” [Check this, it's not Alice but it's almost as good.]
When it was my turn I quickly downed my third vodka gimlet, which had the interesting effect of making me more sober, and then I hopped up on stage. “Waitress in the Sky,” I told the guitar player. He flipped through the book and found the lyrics for me. Holy shit, it was like a short story, I didn’t remember there being that many words. “Can we stop halfway through and start doing Freebird?” I asked him.
Here’s a tip for choosing a karaoke song (just in case you’re a bee or a gorilla or something that hasn’t been wiped out by the karaoke virus). Choose a song that was originally recorded by someone who sings in the same vocal range as you. For I do not share the same lovely deep masculine voice as dear Paul Westerberg, so I spent the whole song shouting incomprehensibly into the microphone while the guitar player stepped up and sang the rest of the song and I waited for the crowd to join me on the chorus, which they did with smashing enthusiasm.
Sarah “Take It On The Run” Brown went last, and then we split up and Maggie, Sarah, and I wandered around the Castro trying to remember all the words to “Shoop” until we found a packed Castro diner that served french fries and the best tuna melt I’ve ever had in my life at 3:30 a.m.
Sorry about all the links, but here’s one more:
I’ve been slow about getting my photos up on Flickr but as soon as I do I’ll add the link here. It was a great weekend.
I second you on the “picking within your range” advice. I learned that the hard way when my friends and I were playing Rock Band, and I tried to rock out with my you-know-what out to Nirvana. Horrible idea.
Wait, Jagosaurus karaokes? I would as soon expect an orangutan to crochet me a tea cozy.
Yeah, I’m with Melissa. Not enough alcohol in the world. And the world breaths a collective sigh of relief.
The best karaoke I ever did was reciting Sappho fragments to ‘Baby’s Got Back.’
In other news, holy heck you were in my neighborhood. I would have had the decency to act like it was a genuine celebrity sighting. Which is to say, it’s probably a good thing I didn’t go to El Rio last weekend.
What the…??? What kind of frickin’ AWESOME karaoke joint has The Replacements and the Pixies??? Shiiiiit. I have been living in a cave.
I got so excited when I saw your post title!! I literally yelled out loud “Waitress in the sky!!” I was going to win the prize if you’d asked for the song title. Way to ruin for me.
Sgazzetti, I mean that Jagosaurus and I were the only people left who’d never performed in such a way until now. Now she’s the only one left, with the bees and primates and etc.
Nora, that Sappho thing is a brilliant idea. That’s an expert move.
I have never karaoke-d, but if I did, it would be to “I Want Some Sugar in my Bowl” (a la Nina Simone).
For that song, you either got to bring it, or go home. Hopefully after the 3rd martini, I’d be fully in the “bring it” camp.
I’m somewhat of an infrequent commenter, but the title caught my eye. Tim is “life changing,” or at least “taste changing” album. I’ve never karaoke’d, but if “Waitress in the Sky” is one of my choices, sign me up.
Heather singing “Country Roads” slays me. I used to despise that song…but after twelve long years in WV, it’s got a little place in my heart.
Yay, karaoke. The singing part terrifies me even though I used to sing publicly as a teen. I prefer to climb the stage and thrust my pelvis behind the performers. Feels like home.
Salt N Pepa’s “None of your business” is not only my go-to Karaoke song, it is also a sure-fire way to get at least 5 offers to take you up on the lyrics.
Not that I accept any, mind you.
Jules
House of Jules
I have only done karaoke once: at a party, fully inebriated, and it was “Like A Prayer.”
“Ain’t No Sunshine” is one of those songs I can listen to over and over again–entirely unlike the version of the Doobie Brothers’ “Black Water” I performed with a friend one night at karaoke. I’m sure there are people in that audience whose nightmares I haunt to this day.
I once sucked down a pitcher of beer and then tearfully burped my way through Extreme’s More Than Words at some stinky cigar bar in Columbia, Missouri. Two hours later, I was fighting the urge to make out with some old economics professor guy who had just performed a very drunken Send in the Clowns. It was definitely one of those Best of Times/Worst of Times nights.
Were I to ever sing karaoke, which will never happen, this would be me: “Can we stop halfway through and start doing Freebird?”
-jagosaurus, who changer her Blogger identity a little while ago. She’s…not sure why now.
Also, I will never sing karaoke. There. I said it.
(-jagosaurus, again)
I was about to yell, SPARKYS! SPARKYS! But I see you remember the name of the diner after all. And yes, something about the tuna melts (and fries, don’t forget!) that make the next day a little more acceptable, even if you did have 5 vodka gimlets on accident.
I could also write a whole comment about vodka gimlets, and how excited I am that you actually know what they are. Every time I order one, my friends look at me like whaaa? huuuhh? Giblets? The stuff that comes from turkey butts?
I just have to ignore them, and move on to slurping my vodkagimletgoodness.
I’m glad you had a great time!
A few years ago I persuaded my two most fun, exhibitionist, up-for-ANYTHING friends to join me as Bee Gees on a karaoke night. Yes! they said. Brilliant!
Then the day of the party came along and they couldn’t make it.
I ended up being all three Bee Gees. I did Night Fever, with three slightly different voices, some bright white false teeth, and three slightly different combinations of wig/moustache, plus some very quick turns & changes in between lines.
I won £80! Hooray.
One-time karaokier here…Love Shack, in front of my closest friends during our girl’s weekend. Thank goodness we were in a cabin, far from civilization. I’m sure I deafened a few black bears that night though.
There’s no place like the Castro at 3am.
I’m so jealous. It all sounds like fun.
And with great food, because hey, you’re in SF!
Wait, I’ve just had some coffee and now realize this is the story which tells us where you were while the laundry was piling up.
SO worth it, don’t you think?
Also, I’m really enjoying Mark Darcy over there in your sidebar.
He’s nice, isn’t he?
He can come over to my blog any time!
Awesome that you just got up there and DID it! I am just finding my courage to become a blogger – could never do karaoke!
Hmm. Bossy supposes there are perhaps Dolphins in her vocal range…
Delta Dawn. That’s all I’m saying.
You are a brave woman. Next time I recommend you try karaoke in one of NY’s private karaoke rooms where you can bring in a twelve-pack, and belt out songs seated (key!) and surrounded only by equally tone-deaf friends.
Wow. I have to say, as a first time commenter and Karaoke virgin, that I was reading that post with my hand over my mouth and one eye squeezed tightly shut. Embarrassed for you but laughing with you. Always with you. Mostly. Always.
Do. not. ever. chose. American Pie. OMG it is the worlds longest song, by the last verse half the audience was behind the mic with me singing along…..and my dear friend who video taped it “mistakenly deleted it” before it was seen by any other poor unsuspecting folks.
Needless to say I was drunk.