Not in the Mood
Walking Cookie and Peewee at the same time is a lot like being drawn and quartered. In my right hand I have Cookie's nylon leash wrapped around my fist three times to keep better control of her when she twists and barks and whirls around in psychotic ecstasy. In my left hand I have Peewee's leash wrapped once so it doesn't get too slack and so I can haul him off his butt when he decides the middle of the street is a nice place to sit down and let the breeze ruffle through his fur. If walking Cookie is like trying to control a brain-damaged particle in a turbo-charged cyclotron, walking Peewee is like dragging a forty-pound stuffed animal around the block.
Seriously, Cookie, what the hell? With the new spiky pinch collar you have been 72 percent of the time awesome to walk. And yet now I see there's still work to be done. For you are, at heart, an overexcited beast who nearly gets poked in the eye with a collar spoke every time I slip the thing over your head, with the bounding up and down the stairs because OMG it's time to go pee on fifteen different places somebody else has already peed on. I know I'm not supposed to open the door until you're in that mythical, mystical "calm submissive" state, BUT WHY ARE YOU NEVER IN THAT STATE? Bulldogs aren't supposed to be like this. I'm surprised that wasn't covered in your employee handbook. Peewee obviously got the memo. He can barely be bothered to lift his head half the time, or break into anything more than an apathetic trot. That's the kind of behavior one expects from a bulldog. You want to be able to prop one up in a corner and find it there two hours later, snoring.
Cookie, you know how lazy we are. Why can't you be more like Peewee?
There I was this morning with my two-week-long, low-grade exhaustion/cold, dragging your barking carcass back home so as not to reward you for the atrocious way you were behaving. I'm sure anyone passing would have been appalled to see me reach down to adjust your collar and risk putting my hand anywhere near your frothing mouth. They didn't know that when we got back inside you'd immediately calm down and make me a cup of tea, run me a bath, and then tuck me in for a two-hour nap.
So thanks for that. I guess we'll keep you. Because I'm not done with you yet. Not by a long shot, missy.
Seriously, Cookie, what the hell? With the new spiky pinch collar you have been 72 percent of the time awesome to walk. And yet now I see there's still work to be done. For you are, at heart, an overexcited beast who nearly gets poked in the eye with a collar spoke every time I slip the thing over your head, with the bounding up and down the stairs because OMG it's time to go pee on fifteen different places somebody else has already peed on. I know I'm not supposed to open the door until you're in that mythical, mystical "calm submissive" state, BUT WHY ARE YOU NEVER IN THAT STATE? Bulldogs aren't supposed to be like this. I'm surprised that wasn't covered in your employee handbook. Peewee obviously got the memo. He can barely be bothered to lift his head half the time, or break into anything more than an apathetic trot. That's the kind of behavior one expects from a bulldog. You want to be able to prop one up in a corner and find it there two hours later, snoring.
Cookie, you know how lazy we are. Why can't you be more like Peewee?
There I was this morning with my two-week-long, low-grade exhaustion/cold, dragging your barking carcass back home so as not to reward you for the atrocious way you were behaving. I'm sure anyone passing would have been appalled to see me reach down to adjust your collar and risk putting my hand anywhere near your frothing mouth. They didn't know that when we got back inside you'd immediately calm down and make me a cup of tea, run me a bath, and then tuck me in for a two-hour nap.
So thanks for that. I guess we'll keep you. Because I'm not done with you yet. Not by a long shot, missy.
17 Comments:
Delurking to talk dogs: Hi! I'm Faeth!
I've got a malamute mix puppy (ok, over a year old) who really needs the same pronged collar. It's a great way to keep him from pulling on walks. He totally does the same spaz routine that Cookie does. I feel your pain!
Ah, yin and yang. Like our mutt and our jack russell.
The imagery of the two dogs on a walk made me laugh out loud. When I dog sit for our neighbors' 100 pound lab, I look quite similar to you on walks - Lucy (my 50 pound lab) sniffing at the end of her leash over here and Levi sniffing at the end of his leash over there. Stopping to try and pick up poop is the real challenge - what with being wrapped up in two leashes and then them spotting a squirrel...
Cookie sounds like a hoot!
Wow.... think I'll just have a few more kids....unless - does Cookie really make you tea?
Speaking of which - have you checked out fullbloomtea.com? Pricey but tasty and chock-full of entertainment. (Cookie might want to start considering a nice Mother's Day gift to ensure future outings)
Seriously, I've never heard of a bulldog that couldn't be happier with a good cigar and a racing form. Walking is for Philistines.
Another collar option: The Gentle Leader. The pokey collar wouldn't work on our lab - he would garrote himself trying to smell everything, but The Gentle Leader kept him in check. Surprisingly effective.
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Eden, I am laughing out loud. I grew up with bulldogs and it was the opposite of your situation. Cookie sounds EXACTLY like our male (Winston) was and PeeWee sounds like our reasonably trainable female (Wilhemena). I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Winston never changed. Like ever. His stories are the stuff of legends in my family. We gave up trying to change him eventually. Maybe you will too? hahahahahaha... I feel your pain. I do. God I miss those dogs.
My husband and I hired a private trainer to come in and work with our lab when she was a puppy. Not cheap. Also, not effective. After three sessions, the trainer quit and told us she couldn't help our dog. This dog of mine...I love to hate her and I hate to love her.
The front halter work nicely. If he tries to pull then he ends up going in a circle which defeats the purpose of getting to sniff and pee all over everything. http://www.petsmart.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2751027&cp&kw=premier+easy+walk+dog+harness&origkw=premier+easy+walk+dog+harness&sr=1
sorry, here's the url:
http://www.petsmart.com/
product/index.jsp?productId=2751027
I wrote a post about teaching your dog to heel a while back. I've had three Rhodesian Ridgebacks and more than my share of being knocked over on my arse in the street until I finally worked out the knack of getting a dog to heel.
Here's the link to my post:
http://stelladevine.livejournal.com/24862.html
Thanks, you guys, I needed a little moral support. She was a lot better today. I'm not sure the gentle leader would fit over Cookie's nonexistent snout, but it's worth looking into, and thank you Stella for the link to your Heeling post!
so how did the odor eliminator work out...is it still working or do you have to reapply?
I feel your pain. I, too, have an atypical bulldog. I've tried everything and god bless her, if she wasn't so damn cute, I'd have killed her by now. Keep on keepin' on.
Yes, I was going to recommend the Gentle leader. I see others have already done so. I saw one of those pet trainers (think: 911 Nanny, but for dogs) use it on two way overactive labs and I couldn't believe the difference in just seconds. I cannot control my lab at all. She has a big yard of her own and doesn't 'need' walks, but I still want to give that head leader a chance. It looked awesome and made the dogs more docile in other ways, too, because it put the person squarely in control. (at least that's how it appeared and is what she said on the show.)
Thank you for this post. My friend and I were just talking about how I laugh (LOUDLY) everytime I read the "traits" of Yorki-poos and it says "not mischievous and very calm". My Yorki-poo did not get the MEMO on those traits. But she is sooo darn cute.....
You definitely need a GENTLE LEADER. I have two strong, strong lab/pit mixes who pull me down normally, but walk like obedience school valedictorians when wearing their gentle leaders. Go to Petco. Now!
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