Jackson and I had a couple of uncanny like-mother-like-son moments the other day. The first one happened at dinnertime when I asked him to scoop some kibble into the dogs’ bowls. He opened the closet, scooped the food from the bin, walked into the kitchen, opened the garbage, and started to dump the kibble into the trash.
Fortunately, I asked him what the hell he was doing and he stopped. He was all, Oh my god, I totally forgot what I was doing in the middle of doing it.
It gets better because later, as I was helping him get dried off after his shower, I unwrapped the towel from around his shoulders and went, “Say AHHH.” He opened his mouth and said AHHH. But what I really meant for him to do was lift up his arms so I could dry his ribcage and underneath his arms. It’s like I wanted his armpits to say AHHH. He laughed at me for ten minutes after I got it all straightened out. Dog food absentmindedly into the garbage, armpits that say AHH. What could possibly be next?
Oh, I know! It’s that our local florist seems to want us poor and dead. I can see no other reason for her having stuffed the front half of her store with Webkinz and then given us two out of what looked like a hundred praying mantis babies that had hatched from the store’s praying mantis kit.
Our little predators now live in separate mason jars so they don’t eat each other, and they stay on our kitchen counter where we can keep an eye on them. I’m not sure why we haven’t named them yet, maybe because they’re so small we can’t see their vicious little compound eyes.
We’re supposed to feed them fruit flies or ants. Yet praying mantis prey seems to be nearly impossible for us to find. Apparently, despite my slack housekeeping, we live a bug-free existence. To counteract the unconscionable lack of grime in our lives Jack left a rotten banana in a jar on the balcony. No fruit flies. He put the jar on the ground by the front steps. No ants.
Can’t I just toss a tortilla chip in there? Everyone likes tortilla chips.
Name one of them Aang for me, please.
I will SEND you fruit flies. Since I bought a juicer, dozens of the fuckers moved in until this morning, when I started hoovering them out of the air.
…and you should see her when she uses a vacuum!
B-da-BING.
Too fucking cute. You should name the other Brak. Cause that is sooo not original.
It looks like a mosquito.
what a bizarre pet. the last time i saw a praying mantis was the last time i was at church (IRONY!). And i was six then.
as a kid growing up in NM with june bugs (which by the way are infesting work here in st louis) i remember getting my mom’s sewing thread knotted on thier back legs and taking them for a walk, should i say fly really? i remember putting one up about 100 yards before it was out of site….. the string never did drop back down so i guess we had fell asleep in the long grass of the pear orchards waiting for it to return! cruel young boys kill them, i just tortue them by flight till death. kinda like the mother mantis, who copulates then eats the dude shortly afterwards
I cannot tell you how many hungover mornings in college I put the milk in a kitchen cabinet instead of back in the fridge after using it for my cereal. This happened MANY times. The lethal combination of not being a morning person AT ALL and, well, being hungover does me in every time.
Jules
House of Jules
A mantis is an excellent pet. People assume they are vicious with their partners but frankly I can’t count the number of times I have felt like ripping my husband’s head off and then eating it. Ok yes, exaggeration, not the eating it part. Yuck.
Also we had four pet mice, all female, and you would think these would be lovely and calm but no, one went crazy and gnawed the necks of the other three.
Too cool! Now I want a praying mantis for a pet…I will name him George.
They have live bugs at the pet store here. Maybe they might have some where you live if the chip does not do the trick:-)
I love you, Mrs. Kennedy. You are the best.
Perhaps a little salsa, to boot?
I’m telling you….garlic bread from Costco! Not only will it salvage the bugs but it will help control Jack’s ravenous sexual advances towards you. Oh! And Jackson will know EXACTLY what you mean when you say “AHH” next time.
People typically pass out with their arms above their head right?
I’m so jealous that you live a bug-free life. We were recently invaded by ants and, though it is totally against my nature, I am cleaning like my life depended on it. Still. Ants bloody everywhere.
You can have our ants and antonia’s fruit flies and your little pets will be set for life.
Where do you live? My houseplants are manufacturing little teeny tiny flies. I bought a venus fly trap but they’re apparently too small for the stinkin’ plant to bother. Which is fine because I’ve been feeding it spiders (because they’re stupid and can’t seem to realize they should SET UP THEIR WEBS NEXT TO THE PLANTS and eat like kings and we have a lot of them) but this does nothing to help with the flies.
You could always buy an ant farm. They could be pets before they are food and you would have a pretty steady supply..
Petco or PetSmart or whatever other pet store you have will have fruit flies in a weird gel. After they get bigger you can feed them baby crickets…then small crickets. When you get to crickets it’s like a National Geographic special in a Mason jar.
My son’s preschool teacher was an entomologist by training.
My friend had two stick bugs, or walking stick bugs or whatever they’re called. For some reason, they scare me more than spiders do. Maybe it’s because they never move. Ever. I imagine they’re plotting and scheming, waiting for us to let our guard down for an instant…
Your preying mantis looks cute.
Okay, had a run in with a frickin’ scorpion today. Now, I am so freaked out. I couldn’t help but think of this post. For some reason I’m not feelin’ the make me your pet vibe from this one.
My husband claimed a praying mantis bit him yesterday. I asked him Are you sure? Are you sure it wasn’t a Katydid?” and you know what? He wasn’t sure.
I am married to someone who can’t tell a a praying mantis from a katydid.
I had a pet praying mantis as a kid and my mother became an expert in catching flies alive, with her bare hands. That was something to see.
Sophie, was your mother’s name Mr. Miyagi?
I had a praying mantis kit once. Except… I didn’t realize it. I thought I’d purchased a Christmas tree.
so was that a baby praying mantis or an ant? If the former, cool!
Go with the tortilla chip.
Hmmm to all bugs. But also, is there any way to get the stupid BlogHer ad people to stop with the new pop-ups that take forever to load and then cover up the Fussy words?
That thing is so tiny! My dad hates preying mantis bugs with a passion.. he’d probably freak out just seeing that tiny one.
See if your local college has friendly lab techs, sometimes the genetics depts breed curly-winged fruit flies that are awesome for feeding these guys because messed up wing genes=no flying so they won’t take over your house and the wee mantid babies can catch them easily (plus you can breed them yourself in a jar with banana mush… “aw.. cute widdo baby maggots!”). Baby crickets are good, but good luck catching them.
Many moons ago I raised an egg-case worth of mantids on curly-winged f.flies (helped having friends in the genetics dept) and also reared my own crickets to have a variety of stages to feed the mantids as they grew.
I also raised mealworms for fun. They turned into pretty boring beetles.
Yay entomogeekery!
I just read you’re gonna be a BlogHer ’08!
I hope you’re gonna be there the “if I evuh getta go” time!
I literally laughed so hard at the “say ahh” thing that my arm slipped off my chair. That is SOOOO something I would do.
And the photo is rad.
That preying mantis is so tiny that it looks like a mosquito. I wish them bugs.
Awww! I want one!
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I just voted for your blog for Bloggers Choice Awards.
Could you return the favor at:
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SpEdLaw2