Piece of Cake
Jackson's birthday party went pretty well. We took four seven-year-old boys to the 11:00 a.m. showing of Wall-E in Ventura. Two parents, four kids, military precision.
Me: "Four kids' popcorns, please."
Little boy #1: "I don't like popcorn."
Me: "Here's your popcorn."
Little boy #2: "Can I just get some candy instead?"
Me: [steely gaze]
Little boy #2: "Popcorn is fine."
And I wondered why none of them wanted to sit next to me. Jack, of course, is the king of making little boys think he's funny while at the same time making sure they're just scared enough of him to behave. When we got back home for the swimming and cake portion of the afternoon, one kid started getting out of line and teasing Jackson -- why does the littlest kid always have the biggest mouth? -- sending Jackson flying into my chest and tearfully telling me the kid was ruining his day and he wanted to send him home. I tried a few different lines of reasoning: "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission" was a little too subtle, I guess; I considered saying, "It's your party and you can cry if you want to but why not make him cry instead?" but thought the better of it. I think Jack laying it flat out and saying "If he doesn't knock it off we'll call his mom and tell her to come pick him up" really did the trick. And then looking the kid in the eye and telling him to chill his shit the fuck out.
Now if we could get that look of Jack's to make Peewee quit quietly chewing up beloved toys, shoes, pillows, and underpants, maybe Jackson would quit asking if we could sell him on eBay.
Me: "Four kids' popcorns, please."
Little boy #1: "I don't like popcorn."
Me: "Here's your popcorn."
Little boy #2: "Can I just get some candy instead?"
Me: [steely gaze]
Little boy #2: "Popcorn is fine."
And I wondered why none of them wanted to sit next to me. Jack, of course, is the king of making little boys think he's funny while at the same time making sure they're just scared enough of him to behave. When we got back home for the swimming and cake portion of the afternoon, one kid started getting out of line and teasing Jackson -- why does the littlest kid always have the biggest mouth? -- sending Jackson flying into my chest and tearfully telling me the kid was ruining his day and he wanted to send him home. I tried a few different lines of reasoning: "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission" was a little too subtle, I guess; I considered saying, "It's your party and you can cry if you want to but why not make him cry instead?" but thought the better of it. I think Jack laying it flat out and saying "If he doesn't knock it off we'll call his mom and tell her to come pick him up" really did the trick. And then looking the kid in the eye and telling him to chill his shit the fuck out.
Now if we could get that look of Jack's to make Peewee quit quietly chewing up beloved toys, shoes, pillows, and underpants, maybe Jackson would quit asking if we could sell him on eBay.
16 Comments:
Jack's look. It's like 'Blue Steel'. I can imagine that'd put the little bastard in his place. Particularly when coupled with the 'shit' and the 'fucking' and all. I wish you had a shot of the glare you busted out at the movie theater. That must have been pretty strong stuff, too. Way to keep them in their places. Their tiny, tiny places.
Oh. MY. GOD. You are some kind of funny, Lady - and I love that Jack totally backs your shit up. That's what a good marriage really is...
You are so Street with your creative cursing. Love it.
But aside from that, Mrs. Kennedy, how did you enjoy the movie?
I wouldn't want to run in to him in a dark alley.
A manly man--and I'm hypervenilating.
Happy Belated Birthday to Jackson. Seven is a fun, awkward kind of year so far here.
Hope it's great for you guys!
Amethyst
A chill goes down my spine when I see the face. So glad I'm not a kid anymore. (And how often is that phrase prefaced with "so glad"?)
I'm that mom too among Tacy's friends. Oh well, I'd rather be feared than loved.
I hope Jackson enjoyed all of his birthday festivities.
LOL Jack definitely looks like he'd hurt anyone who f*cked with Jackson. I love it. And I'm a little scared of him. ;^)
Wow. I'm scared by the look, yet oddly turned on.
I'll take Peewee. If for no other reason than free license to say "Pee to the Wee" all day long.
According to my best friend's kids, I am "The Scariest Person On Earth."
Yeah. I rock.
"Chill your shit the fuck out."
Since my kid just turned three, it may be too cryptic for addition to the current repertoire. But I'm going to archive it and save it for next year.
Many, many thanks.
oh my god
my kid could be
either one
jackson or the annoyer
at any given moment
moods change like weather
and something inflicted on another
is not well suffered
sheesh
glad you had a good day
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." I LOVE THAT QUOTE! I say it all the time to people. You get one million points for saying it too!
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