2002
Frequently Asked Questions
1. How can I avoid herpes?
You can’t.
2. Is it true that your house is a pigsty?
Right now there’s only one waste basket overflowing with diapers.
3. Does it bother you when you pet your cat and the underside of her tail’s all wet, and you’re not sure if it’s pee or if she’s just been in the bath tub, licking water off the bottom again?
Yes.
“Where WWW means Wretched Writers Welcome”
It’s always amusing when someone from the East Coast arrives in Santa Barbara in January expecting tropical nights and mosquito netting over their beds, only to find the local population dressed for rainy season in leather jackets and hats (even the old-timers will give in and put sweaters over their board shorts and flip-flops).
A few weekends ago we were watching VH-1 and there was Kid Rock, and there was Tommy Lee. And Jack asked me, “Is Kid Rock cute?” And I said, “No, Tommy Lee is cute, even though he’s a total dope. Maybe because he’s so dopey.” And then I turned all red on the inside because I’d just told my husband that Tommy Lee was cute.
2003
MY DESERT ISLAND DISCS
The Real Ramona, by Throwing Muses
2004
13 ways of looking at insomnia
with no apologies to wallace stevens, nope, he’s dead so fuck him
Not being able to think of a better way to say FUCK YOU
Shying away from painful realities
2005
White towels are a bad idea if you live with a four-year-old boy. Or a forty-five year old man, or yourself, who inhabits a body that houses a soul that never learned to bleach anything without burning a hole right through it.
2006
Lost gameboy
taking apart jackson’s bed
sleeping with katie
flossing until he bleeds
“Mommy” is the new “Nigger”
tears over cheese
passive-aggressive karate mom
earth shoes and birkenstocks!
whore heads
Fake spiderweb freaks out real spider
Post about my parents waiting for me to come and cut their hair.
No floam!
2007
Hi Eden,
I just wanted to check in with you to see if you had a chance to take a look at the review copy of [redacted]. I think your readers would really enjoy this book and your writing a review could get the word out to them. I’d love to discuss other ways we can use the book’s content on your site. The authors would love to guest blog. Give me a call or shoot me an email when you get a chance.
I was in the shower yesterday after my bi-annual yoga class, contemplating all the body parts that potentially required shaving, and the smell of yesterday’s substitute-teacher’s musky, fur-exploded armpits as she adjusted me in marichasana C came wafting back to me. Well, she probably has lots of health reasons for not shaving them, a lot of women do, those antiperspirants are pure lymph poison, after all. But then I thought of this other yoga teacher who kicks my ass occasionally, whose pits are as smooth and delightfully benign as Parvati, daughter of the mountains. And for the millionth time I wondered what the yogic answer to armpit grooming was. Heavenly, blue-skinned Krishna, to shave or not to shave? I’m looking for spiritual direction here!
Lost two teeth in a week, now he looks like Shane McGowan
Watching The Tempest, Paul Mazursky — hate to say it but if a six-year-old can get hooked into your film you’ve got a compelling story, good characters, straight dialogue, good arc — kids sense bullshit a mile away — you can distract them with green-skinned orgres, but honesty works just as well
Whatever makes you different makes you pretty
It’s weird that children get used to being served, and then one day you’re all, get your own glass of milk, bloodsucker.
Jackson’s ten favorite things about Alice
2008
Mom eating with her eyes closed
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AKX6jd540ro]
Naomi Foner story
vegetarianism
100 Things
Who are all these pet-related twitterers?
I bet it felt good to get all that out of the queue! nice one
Oh, what might have been…
I want to know what all of these would have said but they make a good post in their own right. I love that: writing about something you didn’t write about…
tears over cheese
passive-aggressive karate mom
earth shoes and birkenstocks!
whore heads
I jot down post ideas in a notebook,and I swear every third or fourth page looks like this.
Errrmmm.. I’m one of those ‘pet related twitterers’ but… it’s not going so well (the dogs don’t make any sense and the cats won’t talk to me) so it’s all me whining about pineapple overdoses.
Sorry.
So funny….I have a bunch of first lines that I abandoned that I was thinking of posting.
And you are so right about the servicing of the children and then one day – on your own sucker!
Hahahahah, this is awesome. Thank you!
Schitzo. Nice work.
Always, shave the pits. Deodorant ok, anti-perspirent is the devil. So is pit-hair, from a fellow yogini. That shit ain’t ok. It’s just…stank.
love you, mrs. kennedy.
“
It’s weird that children get used to being served, and then one day you’re all, get your own glass of milk, bloodsucker.”
I know – I just recently realized after an especially shrewish screaming fit at my kids that they aren’t actually used to me telling them to dress themselves in their pajamas and go to bed on their own accord. But mommy is too busy reading blogs. Er, is that bad?
I’m not allowed to be around bleach. Even in a store the workers will stand in front of the display and say to me “Move along; nothing to see here.”
I’m just laughing at Jenny
hahah bi-annual yoga. i take a bi-annual ballet class.
I’ll be thinking of the armpits all day long now. LOL
The Real Ramona 100% completely rocks — you are right!
I have shed a lot of tears over cheese. And you know what? Salt and dairy don’t really mix.
The new header? It is GREAT.
Back when I used to write, I had a Notepad file that was pretty much like this.
Also, the yogic answer is to shave. For chrissake.
Lord, Bossy has virtual folders just like this, too funny. Cute Fussy header!
Okay, so I NEED to know more about “whore heads,” unless it’s just some pun on “foreheads,” ’cause that I get already. And I don’t mind furry, but stinky pits are just icky.
Bossy wants to know sometimes she comes over here just so she can visit with your pink dress banner. The best on the internet. the Internet, even.
I’m sorry you didn’t complete the “yogic armpit” post. I, too, have pondered this koan-like dilemma…which is, frankly, kind of sad.