Things My Son Has Discovered Lately

On June 17, 2009 by Eden M. Kennedy

The Disney Channel is on at 5 a.m.!

The dog doesn’t mind if you fart on him, but then he might try to bite your balls.

Once the bushes stop flowering, you don’t have to worry about bees so much.

If you accidentally delete all the photos on your mom’s camera she will be pissed as hell, but then she’ll forgive you because you were brave enough to tell her what happened and say you were sorry.

If you leave your scooter out all night, someone can steal it.

Putting up LOST SCOOTER signs around the neighborhood can make you feel a little better, even if no one brings it back.

Losing a scooter can give you the motivation to learn to ride a bicycle.

Riding a bicycle is easy, duh.

If you let a hamster run out of food, he will bite.

If you wear surgical gloves to protect yourself when you try to pick up a slightly-less-hungry hamster, he will still bite.

Gum and Coke is what’s for breakfast, but Mom will yell at Dad when she finds out.

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27 Responses to “Things My Son Has Discovered Lately”

  • Too funny.

    Well, at least it sounds like there's a lot of learning going on over there, so, if nothing else, you've got that going for you.

  • And people think summer vacation rots the brain. Look at all that learning happening.

  • He should have his own television show on DTV.

  • Well… gum and coke is way better for you in the morning than a rum and coke. =)

  • You know, I think that post really captured the essence of what it's like to be a kid. :) Well done!

  • I read that as 'rum and coke' and thought, 'Sure, why not?'.

  • Even if, DUH, riding a bike is easy I hope he finds the scooter, because the images in my head of Jackson posting fliers makes my heart incredibly sad.

    The best year in college was the one I discovered the joy of drinking a Coke for breakfast. It went over just as well with my mother as it did with you! :)

  • Remember that ad campaign from the '80's "I need a Coke in the Morning"? Ah, marketing genius.

  • Dude (I mean, the Mr. Kennedy). Gum and coke? Have you learned nothing from Bill Cosby? Chocolate cake!

  • This is hysterical! Can we start making a list as adults about what we've learned recently?

    ~ If I send out an email to the wrong email address then you cannot get it back.

    ~ If that wrong email address was to a client and the message was meant for your husband, that can be embarassing.

    ~ Dogs that like to pee on garbage cans outside are also likely to pee on garbage cans inside if you leave them out by accident.

    ~ Gum and coke are good for breakfast but you will hate yourself at 10 am when you are starving and stuck in a meeting until 11:30.

  • Aha! A good list. And glad to see you back. Been thinking good wishes for you.

  • he's so awesome.

  • Great list. McSweeney's worthy.

  • I second the McSweeney's–he is hilarious and getting him started early with witty dispatches to "teh innertubes" is a no brainer.

  • I love this list! And, I totally agree with acfabulous, I need to start looking at my life this way!

    I am so glad you are back! I missed your posts. Keep it coming, I love it!

  • I love Jackson…he cracks me up!

    The other day we ran into him (and Jack) at the grocery. We chatted for a while then parted ways.

    About 5 minutes later Jackson charges down the soda aisle at us and breathlessly shouts "You know that Mrs. Rye is dead right?"

    We nodded yes (a bit stunned) then he says "ok good" and runs off…

    Honestly, we just about fell to the floor laughing, it was really hilarious!

  • No, they didn't tell me they'd seen you! I'm so glad Jackson was so concerned about keeping you up to date, and tried to break the (old) news about Mrs. Rye in such a sensitive way.

    When's "New Moon" coming out? We need to make a date.

  • Gum and Coke is what's for breakfast, but Mom will yell at Dad when she finds out. That's not only very funny, it proves that a single sentence can say a lot. I once read that Hemingway thought his best work was a single sentence: For Sale: Baby Shoes, Never Used.

  • gum and coke bleck

  • I'd have to recommend you get an EyeFi memory card for your phone. What a convenience!

  • Your son is a hoot. Such a character :)

  • You guys have the same breakfast cookbook my husband does! Amazing.

  • Love this. The value of these lessons cannot be replicated in school…

  • Jackson needs a "little" summer job. Like a Kool-Aid stand. I'm sure it would provide many thoughtful (funny) posts. Great job.

  • Know what mine just learned? If you crap your pants within 5 minutes of getting changed, mommy will cry. Full blown, outright tears. I really can not take another bout of crap pants. So, I'll read your archives while he stinks this place up for 5 more minutes.

  • How funny!

    My daughter just learned that when she eats the last of Mommy chocolate, that Mommy cries..:)