Me: So, Peanut! What’s the word?
Peanut: Meh.
Me: No, seriously. What are you doing walking around the kitchen? You’re supposed to be hibernating.
Peanut: Are you trying to get rid of me?
Me: No, I’m just trying to figure out what’s going on. Normally, you hibernate every winter; you crawl under the couch and we don’t see you until spring.
Peanut: I just don’t want to be a slave to my instinctual drives anymore.
Me: But it’s good for you to hibernate. You’re a reptile. It’s cold out.
Peanut: What?! It’s like 65 degrees!
Me: Didn’t you like it when I put you next to the water heater?
Peanut: OBVIOUSLY not.
Me: Well, I think this is a mistake. You’re disrupting your whole system, and for what? Why’s it so important to deny a basic instinct?
Peanut: Have you ever read any Schopenhauer?
Me: Oh, God.
Peanut: He’s a total determinist and it just makes me so mad.
Me: Is that what you’ve been doing under the couch? Reading?
Peanut: I believe that it’s only through the exercise of free will that I’ll be able to build my own character and act as a moral agent, allowing me to rise above any given set of circumstances. Do you have any Red Bull?
Me: A tortoise on Red Bull. What a fantastic idea.
Peanut: Man, I really need something to clear my head.
guffaw! turtles, schopenhauer and red bull? how do you come up with this stuff?
Oh, Peanut. I know exactly how you feel.
That Peanut's kind of pissy. That's what that there higher learnin will do to you.
Doncha hate intellectual turtles? Get back under the couch dude.
Oh, I get it. Peanut is, like, 14 in human years. ASK ME HOW I KNOW.
that is hilarious!
okay…Badger, how do you know?
"Me: Didn't you like it when I put you next to the water heater?
Peanut: OBVIOUSLY not."
I started really gasping for air amid gusts of laughter at just about that point in the conversation. And it only got funnier!
Uh oh. Wait'll he starts reading Ayn Rand.
Also: really? The turtle sleeps under the couch for months? Because for some reason that would just freak me the flipping he-haw out.
I love anthropomorphized turtles.
His tortoise ran away:
http://www.metamorphosism.com/?p=3206
but man, it was funny while it lasted.
I'm glad you still have Peanut.
I swear, it's like you're in my brain and I AM PEANUT.
If only our Harold was open to such conversating…
THIS is fantastic. Let's have more interviews with Peanut. Let us know what he reads next.