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1
Dec
Yesterday I took Jackson to get an ice cream cone after school. We pulled into Fosters Freeze and were unbuckling ourselves and whatnot when I glanced into the rear view mirror and saw a swarm of middle schoolers pouring out the door. Then two girls started beating the crap out of each other. I told Jackson to stay in the car, and we turned around and watched these fourteen-year-old girls yanking the shit out of each other’s hair and trying to connect with some fists, but mostly just spinning around in a wobbly circle and tearing off each other’s jackets. A dozen other kids stood by shouting and seeming sort of equally giddy and horrified.
So I was sitting there in my car, and I was of two minds. One mind said: Stay out of it. You don’t know these kids, it’s none of your business. The other mind said: You’re a GROWNUP, get out there and break it up.
The moment I decided to get out of the car and see what I could do to abate the damage, a Fosters Freeze counter guy came out the door, the tall one. He had just the verge of a smirk on his face as he circled the girls, who were in a sort of shrieky scrum now, and he chose the smaller of the two and he wrapped his arms around her torso and lifted her up, then he turned 180° and placed her back down on the blacktop, whereupon her best friend handed her her backpack and they both climbed into a Ford Explorer that’d been sitting there with her mom (I’m assuming) waiting for her with the engine running. (The other fighter vanished.) There was another SUV sitting in the space next to the Explorer so the mom couldn’t see what was going on on the other side of it, her daughter losing chunks of hair and dignity. I couldn’t see the mom’s face, I just saw her posture go all rigid and WTF?
On the way home in the car, Jackson and I talked about what we’d seen, and I told him about being unsure of what I should have done. “I could have stopped it,” he said in that ridiculously confident way third graders who’ve played a lot of video games have. Then we got home and he took a two-hour nap for some reason? The end.
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22 Responses to “1281: I’ve Built Up All This Momentum…”
I would have had the same internal struggle.
I would probably have just charged in without thinking about it. And then gotten beaten up by a 14-year-old girl. They're MEAN.
Ha! I just had a conversation with my teenaged nieces and nephews about how girls fight dirtier than boys.
And even though I'm an old chick now, there's still that instinctive "do NOT get involved in a girl fight" mentality, so I probably would have watched warily from the car, totally forgetting that I am the adult in the situation.
Dude, working up all that bravado wears a 9 year old boy OUT.
I was leaving downtown at the beginning of what looked like an impromptu skinhead rally, and stood for what seemed like ten years with my then-two-year-old, wondering whether to tell the Vietnamese (I assume) couple not to go to the center or not. I did. But even that was a hard call: Why shouldn't they go where they have every right to be? Not that this is exactly the same, but what I mean is: I can't even imagine the fight in front of me, how I would respond, whether the grown up in me gets involved or not. I think you, as a bystander and as a parent, did most right by discussing it after.
Yes, even though that couple *should* have the right to go wherever they want, they also have a right to make an informed decision about their safety and what sort of risks they can handle, so I think you did the right thing.
1281?
It's probably obvious and I'm just dense enough to not get it. I'm liking the momentum, though. Yea, momentum! It even gave us the gift of yogabeans!
The fact that my child was with me, rather than being there alone would have factored in, for me. As I was reading your story, I was thinking "Stay in the car and call the police."
I think it's pretty awesome you admitted to Jackson that you were unsure of how to handle the situation… Kids, especially when they hit his age, think the minds of their parents are very rigid and their behaviors absolutely define their beliefs. By admitting you were unsure humanizes you, makes you more accessible and helps him figure out how to handle difficult problems by remembering your conversation about it.
I'm a "get involved" kinda person…
I have been known to run my car onto sidewalks to break up fights, scream at the top of my lungs at assailants beating people up, confront shoplifters in stores that I do not have affiliation with, drive into gang fights and circle around like a mad woman on crack, etc and so on.
Though often stupid, I can't seem to help myself!
Anyways…if you see either of my kids in a fight (as if…) you have my express permission to get involved and then beat the crap out of them
Seeing all that would have made me tired too, but because I'm a 38 year old insomniac instead of a 3rd grader, that whole napping thing would totally backfire.
Maybe your kiddo was tired from all the imaginary crimefighting? ;^) My son is in third grade and he would've said the same thing. What's up with that? Little ballsy third-graders think they can do everything!
BTW, I normally get involved when I perhaps shouldn't, but the idea of a bunch of hormonal, largish girls duking it out does give me pause.
I was a 14 year old who got into fights. I'm now the 36 year old adult who sees these things happen. In this scenario, I think the fact that the mothers dropped them off and sat there is the worst part of the story – condoning fighting and/or condoning the fact that your daughter is going to get her hair yanked out is awful. So, maybe option 3. You don't want to get in a fight with the mother, especially if you have your own child with you – but I'd walk over and let her know that I was calling the cops. I'm pretty sure she's at least committing child endangerment.
"Shrieky scrum"! I love that.
I've never been in a fight, and on the few times I've seen them, I'm always unsure of what to do. Risk an elbow to the eye? Let people get it out of their systems? It's nice when someone steps in before I have to make the choice. Especially when that someone is a boy.
My day was *so* much less interesting…
Ellie
I used to teach seventh grade — girls are the nastiest street fighters.
Breaking it up is a tough call when you have a kiddo with you. :/
It's SO different when my kids are with me. What is…everything is…
You were witnessing an assault. You should have called the cops. What's the dilemma?
That didn't even occur to me, but thanks for the awesome comment!
How unsettling.
I had a similar incident happen in front of me one day as I was waiting for a bus. And like you I didn't know what to do. I finally did dial 911…and nobody answered the phone.
I grew up in the country, was "farmed" out to all my relatives with farms so I could help with the harvest. A few months ago, while I was writing finals two "little" girls were screaming at each other in front of my home. I looked outside and the large group surrounding them seemed to be breaking up so I sat down to resume writing. A few minutes later, I hear screaming again – when I looked out the door these two girls were kicking the crap out of each other. (The farm reference comes in soon, I promise). I ran outside in my "comfy clothes" (which does not include a bra) and grabbed each girl by the scruff of their neck (thank you 10 years of chucking bails). Just then, a woman driving by in a car and got out and grabbed one of the girls from me (thank goodness too!). We then had to try and calm down these very hormonal girls and encourage them to rise above the name calling, etc. When I was a young girl (about 24 years ago) I had never seen two girls fight – EVER. Now it seems commonplace – how very sad for women.
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