Litmus test

On June 9, 2010 by Eden M. Kennedy

Jack and I were watching the NBA finals on Sunday when two of  (R.I.P.) John Wooden’s former players, Kareem and Bill Walton, were given some air time to talk about all that Wooden had done to help mold them as players, fathers, and men. John Wooden was wise and old, so it was interesting to me because I do have a very small soft spot for tearjerkery in sports (*cough* Wayne Gretzky *cough*). So according to Jack, when Walton was a student at UCLA in the seventies, he went to Wooden and asked if it was okay if he smoked pot. And Wooden, who at that point was a mere 500 years old, told Walton that he could smoke pot if it made him a better person and a better basketball player.

I felt like this might be a really good way to test a lot of decisions I have to make every day.

Choices that have made me a better person and a better basketball player:

1. Improving my draft pick status by being the only girl to do a left-handed layup in fourth grade basketball tryouts

2. Learning to sleep for up to 16 hours at a time while in high school

3. Listening to my coach when he told me to wear two pairs of tube socks

Choices that did not make me a better person and a better basketball player:

1. Carnation Breakfast Drink before 6:30 a.m. practice

2. Neon pink laces in my high tops

3. Sleeping with that one really tall guy

Choices that may some time in the future make me a better basketball player, woman, wife, mother, and semi-professional writer of humorous commentary:

1. Training my dog to heel using leftover filet mignon and/or sashimi, when available.

2. Lying upside down in my son’s bed watching the first season of 30 Rock until we’ve both nearly memorized every line, expression, pause, and gesture

3. Buying two bags of jalapeno cheese puffs last week (good idea!)

4. Letting my car go unwashed for I think it’s been about eight months

5. Brushing my teeth at least four minutes a day

6. And flossing!

7. Seriously, I floss all the time

8. I’m flossing as I write this

9. Ignoring people who think I lie about flossing

10. LAKERS 2-1, BABY!



14 Responses to “Litmus test”

  • Carnation Breakfast Drink did not make me a better basketball player, either. Nor did skim milk, mixed with raw egg and nutmeg. However, threatening to try out for the high school boys team because there was no official girls team (yeah, after Title IX) may have improved something, if only my ability to be a pain in the arse.

  • That ONE really tall guy? Please.

    Also, there have been no conclusive studies disproving the positive effects of neon pink laces.

  • On behalf of dentists everywhere, I thank you for the flossing plug. You have made the world a better place.

  • Wow – Carnation Breakfast Drink! Now *there’s* a blast from the past.

    I’m actually going to pass this on to my two basketball playing daughters.

  • Hooray for flossers! As a coffee-drinker, that bane of dentists everywhere, I overcompensate on the brushing and flossing. Just discovered the blog, by the way, and it’s lovely!

  • Ah, damn. You had me until #1. BostonJessica

  • I am so with you on the jalepeno cheese puffs.

    And 30 Rock.

    You know what? I totally forgot that not cleaning my house makes me a better mother. I FORGOT. And I’ve been picking on myself for the longest about that. I need to remember.

    You know what doesn’t do any of those things though? The internet. The internet doesn’t make me a better anything. But I think this is not the theme. I always need to go negative–don’t know why. 30 Rock helps with this.

  • Dirty little secret: I obsessively floss my kids’ teeth (they are pearly wonders with not a cavity in site). I do this even though my kids are getting close to being old enough to be responsible for their own oral hygiene. BUT, I only floss my own teeth about once a month. I am a huge hypocrite.

  • Sight! Sight! Arrgh…

  • Well then, it’s a good thing I don’t play basketball.

  • Clearly, your pink laces were not laced correctly, as mine made me a FABULOUS basketball player.

    (NOT REALLY, much to the dismay of everyone in my entire life who has asked me if I played basketball after seeing how tall I am)

  • Whaddyou talking about? Pink neon laces are awesome!

  • I’m up with you on the 16 hours part back then. Now I can’t get four in a row. And pot (and relinquishment of it) DID make me a better person.

    But the basketball? Oh man. I just remember always being picked (tallest) and running my ass off but never catching up to anyone like you, never fully understanding the rules, and never being able to fit in the one-piece snapup uniform that was in a perpetual state of wedgie for me. Basketball was just one big wheezing ouch.

  • Oh thank you. You just made me laugh out loud. I don’t think I’ve washed my car since I bought it in ’02. And yeah, I really miss those nightly 16 hours of sleep.