Portland, you have some mystical-looking trees amongst you.
And damp and hobbity.
Why, look, I’ve spotted a pixie!
Perhaps I will capture her and force her to write a book with me. Pixies are magical, you know.
Oh, look, it’s another fetching maiden. Take my word for it, Portland is bursting with them. Be careful! They may ply you with exotic libations.
And then the nice judge will make you get around on one of these for a year:
Look out, Seattle! We’re coming for you next!