Going Solo

On September 7, 2011 by Eden M. Kennedy

Things I love about practicing yoga at home:

  1. I don’t have to arrange my day around a yoga studio’s schedule
  2. I don’t have to pay for it
  3. I don’t have to spend half an hour on the road (plus $4 in gas) getting there and back
  4. No vaguely New Age music
  5. I can wear shorts and my most comfortable, least supportive tops and no 20-year-old will glance at me and possibly wonder (a) if her skin’s going to get all crinkly like that when she gets old, or (b) why don’t I cover that shit up
  6. Nobody to get arrogant about their space or feel entitled to “accidentally” thwack me if they feel like my mat’s invading their territory
  7. I don’t have to pray to become invisible during backbends so that the teacher doesn’t come over and help me, when really all I want is to be able to struggle through, no matter how ugly what I’m doing may look

Things I don’t like about practicing at home:

  1. I can’t put down my mat next to advanced students and use them for motivation
  2. Yes, well, sometimes it’s nice to have a little help with backbends
  3. Those 20-year-olds are a good reminder that it’s totally appropriate for me not to be as flexible as someone half my age
  4. Hippie music camouflages the unhappy noises my body makes sometimes
  5. My home practice space is small and I often accidentally knock into chairs, bookshelves, stray shoes, or other detritus that has nowhere else to go
  6. Then of course Peewee cries and harrumphs outside the door until I open it and let him in
  7. And then he wants to lie on my mat and make it impossible to do anything

Speaking of Peewee, it’s his birthday today. He’s four in Earth years, but if you give him five human years for his first two, and seven human years for everything after that, he’s actually 24. Like many people that age, he’s into high-risk activities:

Unlike many people that age, he naps five to six times a day and eats out of a bowl on the floor. Happy birthday, Peewee! We will continue to enjoy having you around for as many years as your genetic programming allows for, and we will try not to think about how much longer that will actually be.

This morning during all of our separate trips outside, each of us noticed the dirty twin-sized mattress leaning up against the wall next to the garbage enclosure. And then we had to talk about it.

Me: “Is it so hard to stick that in the dumpster? Assuming you’re strong enough to haul it all the way out to within a foot of the dumpster, can you not go the extra mile and push it up into the trash? Absolutely no one is going to recycle that, it’s disgusting.”

Jack: “Jackson said* maybe a hobo could use it.”

Me: “You think? Hobos need to stay mobile.”

Jack: “Maybe an immobile hobo.”

“The Immobile Hobos” is either your new band name or a class of Coach bags that weigh 500 pounds.

* Jack has to take Jackson to school for an entire week as payback for missing the MANDATORY PARENTS NIGHT last week, which I went to, and which resulted in me volunteering to help with something like six different events this school year. I did it to make up for the last two years of book-related absence on my part. Do you want me to participate in something? Try guilt! It works like a charm.

Comments

comments

22 Responses to “Going Solo”

  • That thing with PeeWee and the rubber chain? Brilliant. I think the Minikins might be small enough for me to try it. Thanks!

  • Funny, I was just reading this http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/sep/06/yoga-is-annoying
    and wondering how many guys who do yoga are named Matt and how long it would be until they murdered me after one too many puns.

  • I quit the gym that I had been going to only for the yoga because I could never get to class at the times offered. I need to start doing it on my own at home but [enter whiny excuse here].

    Shit.

    I recommended Faraday Cage as a band name recently and was shut down. People do not appreciate my genius.

  • I love his expression afterward: “Ha! I WON! Okay, I’m a little dizzy, but I WON!”

    Happy birthday, P-to-the-Wee!

  • Guilt is for suckers baby…..

  • “cover that shit up” ok, there’s my laugh!

    i think about you and your yoga travels whenever i consider letting the pit hair grow out. a post a few years ago featured an instructor you had with earthy smelling haired-up pits. i generally reach for the razor….

  • Good for you! I’ve tried a few times to practice at home and I’m just not disciplined enough for it. I either talk myself into stopping midway into the primary series or talk myself out of practicing at all. I’m sentimental for the days when my teacher would correct my posture constantly.

    And I have the same problem with my dogs. They seem to think the mat theirs to lay on.

    • YES, I nearly always talk myself into stopping at navasana, or sometimes I stop after suryanamaskar B, but at least I’m doing it every day, instead of doing my full practice once every six months.

  • I do yoga at home b/c I couldn’t stand the show offs in class.

    COULD NOT STAND.

    So, I’m at home, where I can go at my own pace, and not have some SHOW OFF 2 inches from my very inflexible body.

    You know, they just go there to show off.

    xo

  • Oh how I wish I could cultivate an at-home practice. I hate to admit it, but I really enjoy someone telling me my shit. Mostly I’m all, get out of my crawl-space, y’all. But when it comes to making my body move in ways it doesn’t care to go, TELL ME TO GO THERE! Sad, isn’t it? Geez.

    Immobile Hobo. Total cackle out loud. I love it.

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HGObsLLqwnU

    This is the music that was playing at the one and only yoga class I ever went to. Like I can even do a downward dog while I’m laughing my ass off.

    • This reminds me of the time one of my more creative teachers played a Neil Diamond song during class, and I couldn’t stop laughing because all I could think of was Will Ferrell (as Neil Diamond) saying, “I killed a hobo just to get an erection.”

  • I’m kind of on a teaching hiatus from yoga since we moved. I thought it would be a better idea to get used to my new job first. I have to admit, it’s been really nice. I had a decent home practice before, but I did things that I didn’t get to do when teaching a class, like savasana. Ah…savasana.

    Happy Birthday Peewee!

  • I’d do it at home but I like the hot stuff. I’m talking about one of the instructors. Shazam!

  • I often suffered ROAD RAGE while trying to get to yoga on time in order to elevate my spirituality. “That was MY parking lot, you chataranda-ing asshole!”

    I was also once propositioned by a swinging couple while I was doing my ouija breath in the downward dog position. I declined and often wonder why I received such an offer, considering the vaginal farts I was perpetrating. Yes, I know, I just went a bit too far.

  • On various posts you have made comments about distance traveled and the cost of gas, leading me to this question: what the heck are you driving that gets such lousy gas mileage, and why?

  • Well there’s yoga at our church on Monday and Thursday nights, but it’s in Isla Vista so that adds another 20 miles so it’s still $11 a yoga class. Darn.

  • (it’s only $3, forgot to put that part in)

  • I have a hard time getting to the right point with the at-home yoga. I don’t think I’ve ever done more than 10 minutes. How lame is that?

  • I am so glad to see so many people confirming that no, for some of us, at home yoga is pretty much just unrolling the mat, waving our arms around for a few minutes and then thinking, jeez, I really oughta flip the laundry. I have just vowed to go back to the studio, tomorrow, and I am going to, but I remain very annoyed with them, because the class times are so clearly built around people who have not only no other work to do but no actual lives. I mean, 9:30? It’s half an hour away. It’s an hour long class (thank you, bikram, regular yoga thinks I have an hour and a half) and obviously you HAVE to shower after, and then another drive–it’s the whole morning. But I am a sloth and I am just going to do it anyway. (other helpful times? 4:30 and 6:30. Seriously?).

    I wish I lived somewhere with more options, but I don’t.