Gossip

On February 6, 2012 by Eden M. Kennedy

On the way down to Oxnard to pick up Jackson from a sleepover Sunday morning I was going back and forth between Patton Oswalt’s Finest Hour and Aziz Ansari’s Intimate Moments for a Sensual Evening, and by the time I got to Jackson’s friend’s house I had tears running down my cheeks from laughing. So when Jackson got into the car I was all, You have to listen to this! It’s so funny!

I often forget that Jackson’s not 30 years old, and then I’m lunging for the power button to turn off something that I only that second realized is completely inappropriate for someone who’s actually 10. Fortunately, we were only about four blocks away from his friend’s house (i.e., before he heard anything that would change his life for the worse) when Jackson paused my iPod and said, “Mom, I saw Britney Spears yesterday.”

Me, of course, I was thinking, Sure, you saw somebody who looked just like Britney Spears, ha ha, put Aziz back on. So I said, “Oh, really? Hm.”

But he insisted. “Mom, I’m not kidding. I saw Britney Spears. She brought her kids to the trampoline place.” And then I remembered that we live in Southern California, and that Britney probably lives somewhere in the Valley and has two little boys who would totally want to spend their Saturday afternoon at a place filled with trampolines. I pictured Britney chugging a Big Gulp, kicking off her Uggs, and jumping right in until somebody got a black eye or hit their chin and bit off the tip of their tongue.

I wasn’t sure what else to say. It’s not every day Jackson sees a celebrity so I thought it would be polite to be interested.

“What was she wearing?”

“Some green bathrobe thing.”

“Uh, hmm. A bathrobe? Did she jump on the trampolines?”

“No, all the parents were standing around her. She had four bodyguards. I know they were bodyguards because they had those curly wire things coming out of their ears.”

I knew that was the end of the conversation because then he put Aziz back on and we didn’t talk the rest of the way home.

Comments

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10 Responses to “Gossip”

  • “Some green bathrobe thing.” My imagination is running uncomfortably wild.

  • I know, right — like a long fuzzy sweater, I’m hoping?

  • I am happy to report that GIS for “britney green bathrobe thing” only yields a picture of Alicia Silverstone in such a garment.

  • Next time, hie thee to the trampoline place and jump until you can jump no more! Those places are so much fun (and I’m no spring chicken). I wore a sweats, not a bathrobe, however.

  • That’s a good celebrity sighting–and it will stay with him forever. As a child I saw Chastity Bono at the San Diego zoo. What a delicate , angelic child Chaz was.

    I also saw Henry Kissinger and James Baker when I was about Jackson’s age. They were not adorable.

  • Maybe it was one of those long belted sweaters. That is what I am going with. Yeah, that is what I am going with.

    I was run over by Larry King in the Atlanta airport. He really is short, just like everyone says.

  • I grew up in Santa Monica so my siblings and I actually did see a few well known people here and there, but we turned it into a silly family game of doppelgangers. Like if we saw Mrs.Kennedy on the street we would say, “I just saw Sigourney Weaver with a pixie cut!”

  • Oh, the rigid contacts. I’ve been wearing them my whole post-pubescent (ish) life, and if I were given them at any age more than, say, 29, I would have tossed them rather than deal with the pain of adjustment. They hurt and irritate and are much harder to “get right” than soft contacts. It was funny though–at the ophthalmologist a few weeks ago, I had to have a field of vision test, and my eyesight is so very myopic and astigmatic that the machine could not adjust to my eye needs. So the little eye tech set this Accuvue lens in front of me and told me to put it in. I stared at it and then at her and had to ask her to put it in for me because I’d never seen a soft contact up close, much less worn one. Little Eye Tech was dumbfounded because my chart SAID I wear contacts. I had to show her my tiny, rigid contacts for her to believe my ignorance.

  • Just curious. Is there a reason hard contacts are still prescribed? I remember them well – the irritation, the way they jumped off your finger or even out of your eye onto the floor where they became invisible. I quit wearing contacts because of their inconvenience, but came back to them a dozen years ago. Love my flimsies.

  • I love conversations with kids and their perspective on a situation. I love it, some “Green bathrobe thing.”