And I haven’t vacuumed in weeks

One of the jokes in Let’s Panic the book is about how...

03rd Dec


What happens is that you go apple tasting. Apple tasting! Whoever heard...

25th Nov
big fucking bag of apples

Dear homeless folks, sorry about the pie.

Dear Homeless Folks Who’ll Be Considering Eating the Thanksgiving Pies I Constructed;...

24th Nov
pumpkin pie

A Study in Lost Momentum

I stopped eating meat in July. I’d just come back from a...

18th Nov
A Study in Lost Momentum

Life in the Slow Lane

About a year ago, one of my former-job coworkers happened to park...

09th Nov
Life in the Slow Lane

Shakespeare got to get paid, son*

Last week a national magazine asked me if I’d write a short...

05th Nov
Shakespeare got to get paid, son*

Mother of the Year

The other morning, in addition to Jackson’s regular breakfast of — oh,...

30th Sep
Mother of the Year

I was forced to make this astounding tart, and you need not learn how!

First of all, this: Secondly, to get the first thing, I needed...

23rd Jun
plum tart

Litmus test

Jack and I were watching the NBA finals on Sunday when two...

09th Jun

I’m here to tell you a couple of things about trying to break a board with your hand

Two weeks ago Sunday: the second half of the new draft of...

27th May
Orange Belt

I looked it up

When I was in second grade I read “cousin” as “cow-sin” and...

11th May
I looked it up


The theme of this week’s posting on Fussy seems to be Close-up...

15th Apr