I’m tricky like that

This post is sponsored by Chronicle Books. I like books, and people who read are the kind of people I want to know.

I’ve taken somewhat of a break from posting because I was tired of having opinions on the Internet. There are millions of other people telling you what they think on an hourly basis, and I suddenly felt pretty stupid trying to pretend that my opinions had any more value than anyone else’s. I certainly wasn’t enjoying trying to be heard above the din; I all but abandoned my gig at Babble and last Friday I finally worked up the nerve to quit The Stir. I just wanted to work, go to yoga, sit in the sun, and check my e-mail once a day. So for three weeks, that’s what I did. It was heaven.

The rest of my recovery program was given over to trying to organize our new house (read: wandering around Bed Bath & Beyond with an armful of skirt hangers) and reading books. I read The Hunger Games (not much character development but quite a page-turner); Just My Type (a brisk, anecdotal history of typography); I finished the Mindy Kaling book (which read like a chatty, friendly, and sometimes point-free series of blog posts); I started and then abandoned the first Nancy Drew book (but I mean to check it out again later because it was AWESOME); I read and then became very afraid of The Secret (which may be another post down the road, if I can assure myself that it won’t give me nightmares); and I’ve just started listening to The Glass Castle in my car, which is so absorbing that makes me miss freeway exits.

The other part of my reading-recovery was spent cuddled up with Jackson every night at bedtime. Jackson reads plenty for school, but I’ve always hoped he’d do a little more recreational reading without us turning off the TV and forcing him to. Here’s one of the ways I’ve tricked him into it.

The Worst-Case Scenario Ultimate Adventure Novels are Chronicle’s new series for kids. It’s like playing a video game in story mode: you get to choose how you get to the end. Chronicle Books is not the first to come up with this idea (I think Italo Calvino took a shot at it, and those Dictionary of the Khazars books that came in Male and Female editions), but it’s still a good idea in a nicely-designed package. Jackson immediately snagged the Amazon one and told me he thought I’d like to read Mars. (Here’s a trailer for the Mars book.) If you’d like to win all three books for yourself, leave a comment below telling me what your favorite book was when you were a kid and I’ll use Random.org to choose a winner.

UPDATE: The winner is Steph (who loves Roald Dahl). Thanks, Steph, and everyone who shared their favorite books.

Here, look at this

UPDATE: I put the wrong video up. The right one is now below the wrong one. Watch both of them if you want!

Remember back in October when I told you how I went to New York to buy a cheesecake, and accidentally made a video with Alice and Bethenny Frankel? Well, it may have been the other way around. The point is, that video is now live and I am both contractually and morally obligated to show it to you.

The story I told is actually true. The only reason I thought of dipping the baby in the toilet was the fact that Jack likes to tell us how his dad used to rinse his hair in the toilet. Jack’s dad was an incredibly dapper man who grew up on a farm in Indiana and went on to work for Esquire, be a TV cowboy, and write a Gene Hackman movie, so you’ll have to piece it all together from there.

The other thing I was thinking during the video was, “Do I even have any Clorox products in my house right now?” And I remembered that I did because I specifically bought a big bottle of bleach the last time my survivalist instincts bubbled up and I thought I ought to have a way to make clean drinking water in case of [insert post-apocalyptic scenario here].

Day Twenty-five

I’m still a little bloated and hung over from Thanksgiving, and a little ashamed of all the things Yoda knows about me now, but I still managed to suck it up and be productive today. Alice and I did a test-run of the podcast we’re going to start doing next year and I was totally encouraged by how well we made almost all of our technology mesh. (I was especially impressed when Alice figured out how to Skype through her iPad. It’s quick thinking like that that wins wars, people.) We may be the only ones who find us funny, of course, but then that’s what podcasting is about half the time anyway.

When I was done patting myself on the back about the podcast, I finished writing a Popcorn Whisperer post that’s supposed to be about shopping in the movies. I may not have been all that clear about my topic because the thing most people seem to take away from it is that someone needs to start a service that will deliver Johnny Depp to their door. I’m not sure that’s what Dell had in mind when they offered to sponsor the post, but when you hire Mrs. Kennedy, you get a lot of things that don’t necessarily make sense right away. Give it time, though, and it’ll all soak in.

The last thing you might want to see is my post for The Stir, entitled “Pepper Spray: It’s Not Just for Dinner Anymore.” Because I am topical as hell. Also, I wanted to give you something that will make sense right away, in case you’re busy and don’t have time to let your knowledge steep.

Just trying to earn some gas money

Hey, I’ll be at the BlogHer conference in a couple of weeks, will you be there, too? It’s going to be a busy one. Friday noon I’ll be up on the dais during a lunch sponsored by Bill My Parents, I’ll be chatting in a sort of comical but useful way with Alice, Kristen, and Liz about children and all the clever ways we can think of to keep them from spending your money. I’ll give you a hint: surveillance. I’ll give you another hint: monkeys.

Oh, sure,” you say, “I’ve already got surveillance monkeys, tell me something I don’t know.

SURVEILLANCE MONKEYS WITH NIGHT-VISION GOGGLES AND PRE-PAID DEBIT CARDS.

KA-POW!

Friday night I’ll be MCing the Community Keynote, where twelve lovely people will read the good stuff or show us the good stuff they’ve been posting online lately. Saturday I’m part of a panel that will discuss what it’s like to manage an online community, which I used to do with NaBloPoMo before I sold it to . . . BlogHer. Full circle!

So, if you’re going to be in San Diego and you see me strolling around, please say hello. It seems they aren’t going to have a have a room set up where people can sell stuff this year, but if you want a copy of Let’s Panic! or one of my t-shirts, let me know, I’ll be selling them out of the trunk of my car. Because the monkeys spent all my money.

Bill My Parents will be sponsoring me to talk about just about anything other than monkeys at BlogHer. Click here if you’d like to come to the lunch! Tickets will be given out on a first come, first served basis.